There was a poem
on my mind...
I wanted to write a poem
about the spirit of people
to stand above sadness and loss,
a song to beauty of life
streams of existence always fresh
full in the coming, missed when gone.
A persuasion on power of reason
to rule our lives and bring peace,
how mankind might move to a point
of sharing needs, that no one
would go without food, water, and shelter,
none would live in fear of losing freedom.
There was a poem on my mind
but instead I got up
walked to a nearby room,
and held a child.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Well-portrayed concept and meaning
I like the idea the poem starts with, which is the idea of a poem of hope. The piece flows well and never hits an awkward line until the end. Although I believe I see the meaning behind the final stanza, I feel put-off by the dead-straightforward form. The message I see, which is of action over talk, is clearly shown and portrayed effectively, although the transition between having the idea of a poem and then instantly getting up to take action feels jilted. I would have liked a line or two between the end of the "thought" and the action of leaving so as to maintain flow. But overall it's a simple and powerful piece with a gracefully portrayed message.
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I expect you have a good point for improving the piece, transition from thought to action...but as this occurred to me, there was especially not a pause...but an impulse...thank you so much for your thoughtful consideration of the work...so very much appreciated...PK
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nice poem. bad presidentiall candidate
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Saw this featured and thought I'd look it up on your page, instead, and I'm so glad I did. I remember the brilliance of this one from before. Once again, I am inspired by the stream of poetic passion that you have displayed here, the concern for those things greater than yourself. And again, I marvel at the way you found expression through a common, simple deed. But in fact, juxtaposed against all the seemingly "grander" pursuits, this deed of tenderness is all the more exalted and important in my perception.
We must first touch one another before we can touch the world. Such beauty. -
There was a child in a nearby room. There was a poem on my mind. Intersting write PK. Sometimes life has a funny twist, often at times we do the least expected. Nice poem, so well written.
Tish
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nice
a reflective piece that makes
you think about life from a more
broad perspective. something like
taking time to smell the roses.
I can see that you've a sensitive
person who really cares about life. -
Speechless
what a way with words How deep the thoughts & wouldn't we all like to be there when you held that child. I will be reading more
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Thank you so much for your kind and wonderful words...PK
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wow this is just beautiful, so touching, thank you for lifting me up and and bringing a tear to my eyes, your talent shines...I look forward to reading some other of your pieces..
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Such a thoughtful poem. This poem has made me think about life more than any poem I have ever read. Beautiful write.
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Wow. This speaks volumes and the last line was awesome. What better place to plant the seed of hope but in a child.
Wonderfully written.
John
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you know...the title is perfect because your poem has been on my mind ever since I read this.
I have been thinking a lot lately about living life & writing about life. Trying to find that balance & I think every writer goes through it. Do you write about "holding the baby, or do you hold the baby."?
I am trying to hold the baby & write about it later,...to preserve that moment in time.
But I think this poem is so much greater & larger than all of this, my previous thoughts about your poem,...as it shows how the nature of mankind needs to be,...
"A persuasion on power of reason
to rule our lives and bring peace,
how mankind might move to a point
of sharing needs, that no one
would go without food, water, and shelter,
none would live in fear of losing freedom."
it is written about in here...
and then you follow through with 'the action' and leads me to think about our children, and how we need to pass these ideals on at an early age.
I really love this
I never comment like this...lol.
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This comment is so expressive, so many ideas here...it is poetry of itself...and you will inspire some more poetry.
I think that is what we all want to do... open a discussion about things that stay in our thoughts...
this is ...simply wonderful..thank you so much Tara...PK -
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Sometimes we write poetry with our actions, gestures that say more than 1000 words could ever do.
Here you show that poetry is so much more than verses, it is feelings, those that pulse in the very depth of our hearts.
Poetry speaks in gentle whispers to you.
Excellent poem h, wonderful thoughts.
Mari
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Wow, reading this reminds me so much of myself in this exact situation. But the moments are what mean everything. And sometimes it is okay to make your statement one "child" at time.
Beautiful expression here. You have captured the poet's heart and passion, as well as his/her circumstance which likewise can do some beautiful capturing. A marvelous rendering.
ten
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sigh.
beautiful
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And this is poetry in motion:
"There was a poem on my mind
but instead I got up
walked to a nearby room,
and held a child."
Wonderful visual. Thanx for sharing. Write on, brother. One.
Dez
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