The Betrayal

The door slammed shut
As I stumbled to the sink
My mind was reeling;
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.

I gagged and closed my eyes
Feeling my stomach clench
It emptied itself out on the floor
And left an awful stench.

I choked and cleaned up,
Getting in the shower fully dressed
My pants slipped down and I sacrificed my hips
Slashing and slicing until I felt at rest.

But the pain didn't leave
It kept getting worse
I dropped the razor and gazed at my skin
With the number of cuts the skin felt coarse.

One for every time I let you down
One for every time I wasn't there
One for every time you cried
And for every time I didn't care.

I felt dizzy
As the shower began to spin
I ripped open the curtain and tripped,
Vommitting in the trash bin.

'This isn't who I am,
This isn't really me!
I promised you I'd never betray you
This isn't how I want to be!'

I screamed at myself
Over the pounding of my music
I allowed myself to cry
And throw a fit and lose it.

I didn't intend to cut, but I did
I never meant to hurt you
I didn't tell you the truth
When I said it was the only way I knew.

So I should be the one to apologize
For doing something so stupid
But I didn't know what else at the moment
Except for do the same thing I always did.

So much is going on
And I'm finally coming clean
I don't know what life is going to bring me
I don't know what all of these sudden events mean.

I know we're going to make it though
You promised me we would
And I'd be in your arms right now
If only I could.

The tears are forming behind my eyes
As I continue to write
Lets make a promise never to argue,
Lets make a promise never to fight.

I love you so much
And I don't want to let you go
And right now there's so much to tell you
There's so much that you have to know.

Just ask me tonight
And I promise I'll tell you it all
If you want to
I'll answer your call.

I have to get going
Because I have therapy in five minutes
This was supposed to be posted last night
But I never got to finish.

So goodbye for now
I'll talk to you ar four
I look foward to that very moment
And I look forward to tommorrow even more.