I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
And when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.
And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
And when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
Or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
To have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.
I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
Author notes
ya i hope you like it
A contest entry
- Envy anybody? by Ace13.
570 points, ended May 22, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
have you ever felt this way
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Um, I do not get bitchy every 28 days. Or do I? Its still very good.
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Haha i fuckin love it.
Haha and its funny becasue most of it is true, lmfao -
LOL. This is totally awesome!!! Thank you so much for this laugh. I hope you walk away with the gold.
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Hilarious
Wow that was wonderful... hahaha the horrible thing is that most of it's true! lol -
Hahaha
this was freakin halarious. I love the rhyme scheme and the awesome flow....oh and i love the humor and absolutely love the cruelty. Very great write. Well i hope you feel better now that you let that all out. Haha well good luck
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lmao u loser
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haha this is great!
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