He liked to make love
in stairwells
for the acoustics,
and paint his women
with violet tattoos
of his conquering
cock.
He had no manners
at all,
lied if it would get him
laid and paid,
and when his laundry
piled up on the floor,
he threw it out
the window.
It was only when
Charlie met her in a line
at Jacob’s Deli,
that he found himself wishing
he hadn’t strayed
from normal
for so long...
Author notes
Prompt: Persona
In a list
A contest entry
- Persona Poems. by unmasked synergy.
1500 points, ended June 7, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Bang.
You nailed it. Fine piece. Thanks.
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this poem has been replaying in the background of my mind since i first read it. i flew over it, thinking it shadow of a bukowski persona. but jacob's deli was in another story once about two people, a track and a destination. it's like a jigged piece of a poem looking for a bigger picture. my head hurty. -puzzlerfish
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for the acoustics you say? lol
well... you did a good job of painting Charlie here
even if it isn't an initially likeable tone,
i like the suspense you ended it with- the undistinguished 'her' which the poet implies
turns Charlies perspective on life
I liked it,
thank you for entering. -
only superlatives from me!
gee, you never cease to amaze me
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this speaks of regret, realizations of past indiscretions...nicely penned as only you can do. Well done.
Rory
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But the impetuous, unscrupulous, donytgiveafuck artist is appealing in some femme circles, n'est pas?
I myself
could never pull it off.
nice one
love
D
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My Lady
Well spoken.
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I don't know if I should laugh it off, feel sorry for the girls that couldn't make him want to change or feel like I should warn the one who he will try to change for that he is only faking it to get laid. Probably just argue with my son about what's funny and what isn't.
My youngest brother learned to bathe when he discovered girls. I think I will laugh and pretend it's ironic. 
Love, Tom B.
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I love how you always make an ending that leaves the reader in awe for long. At least that's how I feel everytime I finish a poem of yours. This is no exception, and I like how honest and casual it all seems. I loved it!
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This is very cool insight on behavior in life and how one event can change a person's outlook on everything. Great job!!
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Very good, Lane.
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Wow, what a slovenly, self-absorbed bastard! Sounds like a few guys I've worked with and known over the years. LOL! Great stuff Lane, I always love your natural, severe writings.
Love and peace always,
mj.
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I can so relate.
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He lives in the flat downstairs!!!
Trouble is our version still hasn't met "her". Your poetry is electrifying.
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Really good - the first and final stanza's are really strong - great poem - good luck in the contest
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Most people have to live with the actions of their past, you've told a story beautifully...
All the best in the contest...
Love
Sue
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Was he Australian by any chance? I have a friend exactly like that, now married with two kids and mostly civillised, but every few months, one too many beers and he wishes he could go back...
Beautifully descriptive as ever.
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Very Appropriate!!
Very creative write! I think I have known guys like him. Great imagery with the emotion following up at the end. Great job Lane! Don
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this is so good...the last stanza, so powerful & such a wonderful look into this person's thoughts...excellent poetry...(as always!!)
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A very unique write, on the outter cuff of societal normalacy, but lunging solidly towards reality.
Odd thing is, I've met gals in line at deli's in TX, AZ and CA, and I was always wishing they "would" stray from normal, but truth is, of the two dozen or so I did meet in Deli lines, only one ever did stray.
Which is why I still remember her, even these almost 35 plus years later.
and no, I'm not going there.
this is a family venue?
Len
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Now you have left the reader hanging to find out what happens next??? Maybe a series? One can only hope
Love, C
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yes the one who brings regrets for time passed by, and even though it is how we arrived at this place,time we look back and wonder...i like this a lot...PK
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