Undefined pain strikes through my soul,
taking me deep into Hell’s cruel hole.
It grabs me and shakes me, violent and cruel,
there I stand in self to self duel.
I can not breath and will not try,
for as I shake I’d rather die.
Depression speaks as it tares my heart,
slowly, painfully I’m ripped apart.
Now on my knees I can not stand,
I will not reach for an angel’s hand.
For now on my last clasp of breath,
I face the beauty of sudden death.
A contest entry
- Pain You Can't Explain And More by BlackBloodyRose.
499 points, ended May 22, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any lines your hated.. maybe liked??
Comments
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it is beautiful ^^
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hmm
hmm good rhym and rythum. i really liked this -
I liked this poem's rhythm and your use of rhyme. You stuck with it consistently through the poem and I liked that. There were a few (minor) spelling erros: "breath" in the 5th line needs an "e" at the end to make it "breathe" and "tares" is "tears." Just a few tidbits from the grammar Nazi. Sorry to point out such minor things but hey, someone has to. Anyway, good write and best of luck in the contest. -R.T
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