Futile family, falsified friends
Constant pain; it never ends
Doubtless desperation, diluted desire
Burried deep in this quagmire
Continuous condemnation complex calamity
Tampered innocence taken from me
Hurting heart heavily hindered
Misdeeds, upon me evilly rendered
Coitus coerced coruption corroded
Perhaps my soul has imploded
Manifested misery murky martyrdom
Hopeless and hurt I have become
Solace subverted, sadistic suffering
Nothing; no one,gives me buffering
Popping pills, pain penetrates
Every day desecration accelerates
Injurious incest, illness inflicted
Now crazy is how I am depicted
Blasphemous blame, broken, betrayed
Constantly I remain dismayed
Humdrum hopelessness, haughty hurting
Yet, compassion I continue dispersing
Badgered, betrayed, beguilled, broken
Filled with hate left unspoken
Empathy encouraged, evil eluded
I will survive I have concluded
Perpetual pain, pitiful plea
Lord, please come save me
Author notes
crazymomma
Too many victims of rape feel it is somehow their fault. It is not. Even if you were drunk and flirted all night long no means no. The only way to move on is to know you were not at fault and forgive the person who did it and yourself. God bless all the victims!
A contest entry
- Allpoetry Survivor: Round 1 by broken-colours.
500 points, ended August 8, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ending the Cycle of Abuse by midnightblue1272.
600 points, ended May 27, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A lil somethin somethin(Please read updates if you havent! Sorry for any inconveneces) by DogTagz-TheJalapeno.
315 points, ended June 6, 2008, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Life by Brit-Girl.
925 points, ended July 27, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
-
Loved the alliteration!
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
: F
GloriousGift
Heba -
I somewhat liked this until the last sentence
-
love the alliteration and unforced rhyme! You did a great job keeping the flow of this poem going and I really enjoyed reading it! Thanks for your entry and write on
-
This poem and your note shows me you have the ability to lead a nation with a pen. I love your use of the language. I am a sucker for a poem that uses English well. Very descriptive. The rhyme is superb. And it touches me, I was in the same situation so I have no trouble relating.
Best of Luck to you in the contest.
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
good job great write u will be considered.
-
I loved this the flow of it was great!
-
I really love the emotion behind this, and your use of figurative language is definitely impressive.
I personally think that the alliteration might be a little bit overdone in that it feels like some of the meaning is lost by merely finding words that start with the same letter and seem to fit. It seemed to be a distraction from the message of the poem rather than contributing to its meaning. However, I don't think this ruins the poem at all, and you definitely did a good job at it so maybe that's just my preference. I would also suggest an edit to this poem to make the meter a little more consistent, if possible.
I know I criticized a few little things but overall I loved it. This is a great poem, and I love the line "I will survive I have concluded." It shows personal strength and the recognition that sometimes all it takes for us to be able to get through hard times is believing that we can.
Excellent job and thank you so much for entering my contest!
-
wonderful imagery and great word usage
-
Amazing write
Thank you for entering
Blessed be
-
This was pretty good. The flow was done well, but I didn't care for the rhythm it produced. But that's just my preference. It's very strong and painful, and the last line was hard-hitting. Thanks for entering
Jeanette*~ -
Hmm.. I must say I like the alliteration (I so spelled that wrong!)This really shows what you were going through and gives me a peek into a, slightly crazed, mind. Best of luck and thank you for entering.
-
omg i cant read the words @_@ lol
wow my eyes are starting to become clouded
lol i've read so many entries in this contest!!!
thanks for entering
good luck -
This was a great piece.
Thanks so much for your entry.
Wishing you the best in the contest.
-
Wow. I have never seen a poem with this much alliteration that actually makes sense. Very well done, in that respect. That was amazing!
The rhyming was, for the most part, good. A little off in some areas (like hindered/rendered and hurting/dispersing), but otherwise very good.
The alliteration helped it flow a little better, but at the same time proved a quiet distraction. I was more focused on the amazement of the poetic devices rather than concentrating on the actual wording. Still, I can't cut you points for being brilliant at poetic devices.
Thank you for being in my contest and following all the rules. I wish you the best of luck. -
Lol
What a blast of device-iveness.
Poetically speaking of course.
-
I like the style in which this is written! imagery throughout, filled with emotion. Congratulations on the well deserved gold
Blessings,
Sassy
-
Wow! This is awesome! So descriptive, so easy to relate to. Thoroughly enjoyed. Congratulations on the Gold.
-
Now, I had put no more prewrites down, bu this is exceptional. I feel everything you say and i can see that alot of thought and emotion wnt into this piece. Well done. I like the rhyme scheme and alliteration, and you are lucky I'm not DQ'ing it. next time please read the foreword though.
-
Bravo!
Love how you were able to put such painful words into rhyme. I'm speechless after reading this. Just great work.
-
This is an amazing emotional write
The power of what you were feeling jumps off the page.
It is so hard sometimes to get down what you are feeling at the time. You have done an outstanding job.
Thank you for entering
Good luck
~sugar~
-
Amazing rhyme scheme with complex vocabulary. I thought this piece was extraordinary.
Bravo crazymomma!
-
Gorgeous. The alliteration works marvellously for this one. Painful and powerful. Thanks so much for entering and good luck.
-
the pain we share
Is the pain we learn to let go of. I like this piece because is shares so much. It's hard some times to express what pain feels like to you, and I find it amusing (if you don't mind me saying so) that you shared it in quite such a manner. Chin up, shoulders back and brace for whatever comes next.
-
Your ability to produce so many and such alliteration is awesome. But, sadly an immediate but, personally I like my alliteration in fewer doses, that is personal so you should take what I say with a pinch of sugar LOL. The exception to this (for me) is The Cataract at Lodore by Robert Southey (about 1820 I think).
Your writing apart from the alliteration has its own strength. It is interesting to find that lifting out the non-alliterative lines creates quite a powerful poem of itself and, these lines are rather more personal I think.
I get the idea that perhaps the alliteration helped you to express the deep personal hurt you have experienced, if this is so then you have found a good way of writing in certain circumstances. -
Brava!
All of the hurt is visible but underneath is the love!
I think it all gets better as you get older!
At least that is what has happened in my life!
but what is here is the passion of living that will
allow for great love in the future! Brava! Jane
-
Interesting alliteration and rhyme. I felt like this sucked me in, I needed to read it, to feel it.
"Solace subverted, sadistic suffering
Nothing; no one,gives me buffering
Popping pills, pain penetrates
Every day desecration accelerates"
I really like this part. It spoke most to me.
Great right, thank you for sharing. -
this was an interesting read. thanks for entering. reminds me of something i wrote while dealing with abuse issues although you're a tetch stronger on the alliteration.
biggest issue i'm picking up on in this piece is comma over-usage.
Misdeeds, upon me evilly rendered
Perhaps, my soul has imploded
Hopeless and hurt, I have become
Yet, compassion I continue dispersing
when i read those particular lines i paused, trying to figure out what you were trying to say and whether or not the word before the comma were continuations of the line above or supposed to go with the line they were on. most of them read like they're supposed to be part of the line they're on, which would make the comma out of place. the syntax in the line may be backwards but that doesn't necessarily make a comma needed. generally speaking, if a phrase is arranged "normally" without a comma, you usually won't need to add one if you rearrange the sentence structure.
aside from that, not a bad write although the rhyme/alliteration scheme did seem like you were stretching pretty hard to make it work in places. this seemed more like you were having fun playing with the way the words fit together despite the serious content. -
Wow, I am speechless. This is beautifully felt and written. I love the flow and form, and the words have such power!
"Popping pills, pain penetrates
Every day desecration accelerates
Injurious incest, illness inflicted
Now crazy is how I am depicted"
I completely understand! This is amazing!
-
you felt a many things penning this here crazy i think you brought a lot to each contest you in and the good thing about this you had describing words here and there to really give a better feel on what your many emotions were going through you did great ma
-
Wow this is amazing!!! So many emotions poured into this... I have felt them all!
I hope you don't feel like this now hun
Adding your comment:
1 - 30 of 30
