in my plastic kitchen set
i imagine cooking dinner
for my man
with an empty stomach
& a heart full of love
racing home to me
so i sauté
and grill
and simmer
but the smoke alarm
screams my brain awake
replacing mise en place
& cusine with
cum stained sheets
and condom wrappers
Author notes
revised
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1 - 10 of 10
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Oh and clappies.
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Bookmarked. I'm going to hit this laters and I mean that in a good way. Right now I'm not really commentating material as I would just rather chat with you instead of comment. But I'll do this first thing today at some point when I get up. Possibly after I also chat with you on the tele. -
Love it.
Love love love it.
Nicely edited, my lovely =]
<3 -
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Yay, thank you my dear!
Your ideas really helped me with this!
<3 :E
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Yay! You posted the revised version! This really is better and more expressive than the other one.
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haha and you were coming up with reasons why i shouldn't revise it
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Good expression of raw emotions! A very strong and clear message too, very thought provoking and a topic that a lot of people feel the same way about.
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Wow, this is very... raw, intense, just the way you mean it. And it sounds very personal and sad, too. I like how in the beginning you talk about a plastic kitchen set and then imagining.. as if you're playing, and then in the ending you talk about reality and cum and condoms without any feeling which makes for a very expressive contrast. I like how violent that is in the way you express feelings so openly, and how it's different from your other poetry in that it's more obvious and direct, but in a good way. It's so easy to feel this. I don't really know what else to say, except I really like this.
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ooh kevin!
i love it.
esp. the "i imagine cooking dinner
for my man"
you see, if a girl had written it, it'd have been some cliche line that some wench with a mindset stuck in the facade of the 1950's that everyone gets sick of reading about.
but i think because you are male and you wrote that is actually more enlightening--- know what i mean?
i think with that line, it shows that men loving men are the same as women loving men and vice versa.
like liberating or something...
hopefully that line will someday become a cliche for
gay people.
yes.
the only part that i would suggest changing... or elaborating, not neccessarily changing (and i know a lot of people hate it when suggestions are made, so don't bite off my head, i love you.)
but the line
"violently taking the wheel
stapling my eyes open to reality"
I don't think those lines really "flow" with the poem, i think they should be in another.
because you have this theme or even a motif of kitchenware, but then when i read those lines, i pictured staples on your eyelids and then someone driving.
maybe it's just diction that needs to be "changed" i dont know.
but i really like the kitchenware thing going on--- like that even adds to the stuff i said about the 1950s.
liek youre a woman or something. bah. i'm going on a rant.
but i love this, for me it's almost satirical.
like, i'm really glad that you're a guy and actually writing this.
BAH! i love this!
haha.
i think people could actually go into depth with this poem, like really knit pick at maybe not even intentional themes and symbols and motifs.
it kind of reminds me of pop-art almost, like when it first came out-- not a lot of people were ready for that change from classical realism into something abstract-- but now look at it! it's the most popular thing right now!
so i just see this poem as comeplete satire and poking fun at the idea of gay people being segregated from straight people yet remaining in the same mind set and poking fun also at societal stereotypes.
know what i mean?
i know this is really jumbled, but i really like this poem LOTS!
like i said, if a woman wrote it,
it would have been just another poem because it's "normal" for women to write poems like this, except for that special little touch at the end lol, but otherwise the fact that you wrote it, a guy, is pretty freaking sweet.
anyway, i'm sure youre drooling in bordom.
love you =E and =e
goodnight =]
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I'm driving this poem down the road and all of a sudden it swerves off the road and into a concrete wall. Great. I love that. I didn't see it coming and I usually do with most poems and it takes some skill to sneak up on me.
Excellent.
Garrison
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