When I first found him,
he was all I wanted to consider,
the broken voiced sad, sweet smile,
the pain inside his head.
He was alone, too selfish
he said, and my heart soared.
I loved his honesty, he didn’t
care for opinion, take me
as I am he said, or have
nothing at all.
Yes there’d been others,
discarded into the
filing cabinet of his emotions and
I loved him for it until
the year turned. He ‘fell in love’ –
heard her name when
he sang how he loved her.
I splintered, unshed
tears waited to trail along
my cheeks.
When we connected, my heart
a taut puppet string awaiting the
tug only he could provide, my
breath in his fist until
he sang a song for the dead.
I knew the ache
behind his eyes again,
she’s just a past,
fading into tired print.
Two heads to turn towards
the one - so I wait.
He doesn’t care anymore,
secrets his success, stands by a man
and I’m glad for it.
A contest entry
- Take Me As I Am, Or Have Nothing At All by SilencefillsMySoul.
650 points, ended May 24, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wonderful
A wonderful poem, so well-balanced in its depictions of memory and desire, loss and grief, and conflicting emotions. It has the stamp of honesty and humanity all over it.
The language is plain and direct and very effective because of that. What makes the poem sing are the details in it:
When we connected, my heart
a taut puppet string awaiting the
tug only he could provide, my
breath in his fist until
he sang a song for the dead.
Congratulations on your trophy.
best wishes,
Myron. -
Very good!
Ah... the waiting game. But any signs of selfishness I ususally scoot. Congrats on the Bronze.
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I'm a bit perplexed on the last stanza:
"Two heads to turn towards
the one - so I wait.
He doesn’t care anymore,
secrets his success, stands by a man
and I’m glad for it."I do understand women [including myself] who can get wrapped up in a relationship you 'believe' is at least based on truth. Sadly, you even said in the first stanza:
"He was alone, too selfish"
The 'too' selfish should tell you this is a person who only thinks of themself. They will always be more important than anything you could offer. In the future run away 'fast!'
Again, I can understand you look into a person believing that truth and honesty is the value. If he says he loves you it must be true. Right?
The last section reads like you [/subject] stayed with him. [Waiting]. How sad. But, it also feels like no you [/subject] didn't stay then was glad they didn't, or maybe they did stay and was glad. Okay... curiousity kills the cat but satisfaction brings him back... so let me know did you stay or go? ... :D
Overall the write was smooth to read. You did a terrific job! Thanks for entering the contest ~ best of luck in the round.
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I think you displayed the conflict on this piece very well. I enjoyed reading this.
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great job it really shows a story but yet doesnt candy coat it good job
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How very sweet. I loved reading this. Thank you for entering. I am happy to have read such a loving poem.
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