Hidden beneath good intentions,
are cries for vengeance loud
As we march with banners high,
exalting on that angry crowd
And the guns of that September,
disguised as silver birds in flight
Have brought with them thier burning embers,
and mothers wailing through the night
As the stations of the cross,
turn their backs on those who die
I watch the valleys that we tender,
swarm with demons from the sky
And the God we praise on high
turns away, begins to cry
For it is war that we have rendered,
and in war the good must die
By Bob Fox
A contest entry
- Prime. Rhyme . Time (Must vote contest) by Legend.
2000 points, ended May 25, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Why Not? by Hebz.
395 points, ended August 24, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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war life is to short to many people wanting to rip eachother apart so sad but very true
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Couldn't agree with you more; it has always been my opinion that war goes against the grain, not with it as so many seem to think. And, steering away from your poem, that some of the 'hero' status associated with SOME parts of war activity are based on false heroic status, for what is heroic about killing innocents? Is it not murder of the first degree?
But anyhow, that is off the beaten track, adn I have gotten in much trouble for my personal views, and would not like to cause more trouble here. As always, teh flow, the words, the rhymes; perfect. What can be said but kudos! -
Like the flow. Amazing write!
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
: F
GloriousGift
Heba -
Congratulations for another greenery on your shelf.
~Sonja~
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"And the God we praise on high
turns away, begins to cry"
Bob, me, too. I have such a trememdous sense of horror watchng the tumult of the world, knowing that these acts of violence serve no master but hatred.
I think you mean 'their' burning embers?
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How could this poem NOT touch us now with much meaning, and good form. I enjoyed the read very much. Di
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Hi
And ty so much for the red & kind comment
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wow mr fox yeeeeeeee how! yo blew me away with your talent and good word this was a pleasure to read good luck to you in the contest this was a pleasure
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A haunting piece of the heavy toll of war... GGlad to see you in the contest too as you a master of those rhyming quatrains... Yea!!!
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Very deep and sad, for we are all brothers, yet there is always something to fight over. In the third line of the second stanza, should 'there' be 'their'? Just asking. Good flow and rhyme. Best wishes in the comp.
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A very powerful and well constructed piece of work, and words that all will be able to relate too. Love the imagery and how you describe * silver birds in flight * Will we ever see peace in our time!...I think not. Well done and good luck in the contest with this very thought provoking entry.
Shaz xx
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A strong poem indeed that gives us just a taste of the horror of war.To the people involved, we can never come to comprehend what they feel.It is immesurable.Well done for bringing this subject out for all to see, Ros
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Powerful words Bob! I believe that as long as there is averice and hatred amongst the human race there will be conflict, death and suffering. It's on-going around the world and appears to be un-stoppable. If only others could think as you do then we may make in-roads to a peaceful future.
Thank you for stopping me and making me think! - ~Von
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Profoundly struck.
M'Lord Bob,
I must say that thee has yet again allowed the true bard that resides with in thee to come out in this piece.
As I read I was struck with how much was left unspoken with in the lines. I saw Pearl Harbor, New York, Hiroshima, and other know not the names to, pass before my eyes. This piece speaks out for and against the travesties that we as a human race inflict upon not only ourselves but our world. You have moved me with thy words and have caused me to think deeply.I am honored to call thee friend,
Rev. Alimae
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Alimae
though I may have the looks of a hard man I do feel & care about the human race. Sadly I have read enough to know that we have always made war. It is what we know & until we cn move beyond the hatred and greed it shall continue. I do not know if you ever read my poem.. A letter to a friend.. It will tell you much about me. I ty my friend for your kindness and understanding
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This is, i am sure a piece that will hold the thoughts of so many who have been affected by war/terrorist attacks around the world.The reference to 9/11 no doubt
will have far more meaning to those across the waters in America than we in the UK although we did feel some of the horror of that day. A well rhymed poem that flows well and has a subject matter that affect so many Good luck in the contest Thank you for entering
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Powerful words Bob
That scratch the surface
Innermost thoughts reap in this poem and the cost is forever high
Never ending .... sorrow and loss
Julie x
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So very true Bob!! War kills more innocent than guilty!
Is this about the response to 9/11?
Powerful write!
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This MUST be about something specific. ur poem leaves me wondering what it is, especially since i dont know much history or whatever.
i like how u compare whatever it is to the stations of the cross bc i think the bible provides an interesting comparison. espeically since u talk about God a lot in here, and HE has nothing to do w guns and stuff like that, only love. anyway, that's a really intersting area to address.
i do want to kno, tho, that are the good intentions? just wondering. maybe u can make that more clear.
thanks,
great poem, god bless -
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Hi
As a reader of history I know that most wars have been foght in the name of God/Allah. It was not my intention to speak of one particular war but to just point out that any war brings on terrible horrors. I ty for the read & perhaps you should read my poem... A letter to a friend
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really great rhyme here...I love rhyme. good luck in the contest
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Excellent. Has an apocalyptic feel to it. Love the reference to Jerusalem (stations of the cross) War is the hell of our own creation, as timeless and senseless as cain and abel. Bravo!
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Oh my I'm sorry i just cannot choose a favourite part of this write, the entire piece was very emotional and deep
All the very best in the contest my friend
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Wow, how one can even form a thought fter reading this is beyond me. Fantastic!
"And the guns of that September,
disguised as silver birds in flight
Have brought with them there burning embers,
and mothers wailing through the night"
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Speechless...
This was wonderful!
This needs no more because it is too perfect,
"And the God we praise on high turns away, begins to
cry
For it is war that was have rendered,
and in war the good must die."
This was sad but true,
Beautifully penned,
I will not wish you good luck in the contest,
for you will win it for sure,
Great job!
Nikki
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Nikki
Thanks so much. However I never do to well in those contest lol
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omg even if we did do a collab on this i dont think i could do it justice on such an amazing write! its breath taking as it is! Deep and filled with lot of emtion. This needs no add on!
well done,
Mylee
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