Walking down the street with her head held in the sky,
She seems so self-confident- sometimes I wonder why.
I ask her what's the reason and she'll toss her silky hair,
Saying Jesus is her savior and he always will be there.
Confident in who she is, she gladly walks away,
With her bible in her hands, she never turns astray.
I sometimes think she's crazy but sometimes I wish to be,
As self-assured as her, always happy to be me.
Maybe I'll try her Jesus thing but I'd rather save myself,
The bible that she gave me sits unopened on the shelf.
Often times she's yelled at but she holds her head up high,
Finds her strength in Jesus Christ, whose love never runs dry.
Author notes
This is a poem about my life seen through the eyes of someone else. I tried to capture people thinking I'm weird or crazy for being Christian.
- Happy Family group list • next in list
A contest entry
- (= Prewrites!!!!! ENTER NOW!!!!!!!!! =) by xCandieKissesx.
525 points, ended May 19, 87 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Describe Yourself As Someone Else Would (Closes Today) by Frodofan.
300 points, ended May 19, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SPIRITUAL POETS by Pisces rainbow.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think!!!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Oh, this was wonderful! The rhyme wasn't forced at all and there were only a few minor flow issues (in my opinion). As non-religious as I am, I can't help but to praise this poem on technical merit.
Just a few little things- they're really choice, and you can toss them out if you want, but here are my suggestions:
Line 1: I think it would sound better, keep the meter more constant to say "head held in the sky."
Line 2: There are two independant clauses here; you need a bit of punctuation, something like "She seems so self-confident- sometimes I wonder why." The hyphen could be just as easily substituted with a semicolon or colon, or with a period and then the second clause in parantheses.
Line 3: I think it might flow a bit better to say "Jesus is her saviour and always he'll be there."
Line 5: It could be ended with a colon or a semicolon in place of a comma.
But honestly, those are just nit-picky things. It's still extremely well-written the way it is. Great write!
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Thanks so much for all your feedback!
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this was a great and woonderful poem!! Love the way it was written!! you did a great job!! Keep up the great work!
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thats amazing really nice work .... Really made me feel strong and powerful . Really lifts my spirt .... thanks ... -
Never let anyone take away from you, who you are. Be proud to be a Christian and stand firm with your beliefs.
I think you did a great job with this. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Soulful Woman
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if being a christian is insane,
then I would not want to sane.
your write is very lovely
very created.
thank you for your beautiful entry.
God bless...
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Good stuff. I like it.
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Check your second to last line. There's a little blip there.
Interesting and a little strange. lol.
Thanks for entering.
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Well I don't think anyone who is a christian is weird or crazy... I admire your faith and the joy and happy disposition it gives you. Wonderful write.
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Lovely! I love the rhyme scheme and flow. The imagery was greatly done. I love the expressions. Thanks for entering and best of luck!
+ Jackie
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