Quote Inspired: " I will dance with Fate, But I like her brother, Death, better." by Star of Atlantis
I live life like a party
Watching people stand by
Waiting for their time
And I wonder, when is mine?
This tango with fate
It makes me weary,
Sick, even dreary
Am I just bait?
Just the bait to catch,
The one that will deserve death,
Sinking and then no longer swimming,
Just something Death will fetch?
Tell me fate, why play
I don't like games,
And I don't like this pain
So let go and stop this charade
Give me what I want
Not what I'm destined.
A contest entry
- " I will dance with Fate, But I like her brother, Death, better." ~my payment for the pif of fate~ by Star of Atlantis.
800 points, ended June 16, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Probably sucks huh? ^_^
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really find this amaizng. It doesnt suck at all. its on the complete opposite spectrum of suckin
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I like your take on what role Fate takes in your life. I think you could have used a little more imagery, but I definitely like the story this tells. The different synonyms and metaphors you used for "dance" kept me interested, and I'm glad you didn't just say "dance" over and over. Nice job, and good luck
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ok so now i need to know the poem you like best of your peers in this contest ... you can only pick one so please tell me the name of your gold choice and then put the name of your own poem and tell me you wrote that one, or i might get confused as to which is the vote. i will post the results as soon as i have recieved all the votes via private message. thank you ... oh and by the way since you have to read to vote leave a little something for the author about their poem. its a good way to promot comrodery between us all here and its a good way to learn and grow and it can make someones day too... i know i always like it even if someone says they hate it at least i know its getting read.
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first off i have to say that one of the rules has been left out
but being as i am ready to judge on this i guess you will be forcing me to overlook that. i think your the type of person who doesnt like being told what to do. this poem has the strong voice of that. almost like a spoiled child but in the shape of an adult. this is an interesting consept cause i have met a few people like that. makes me wonder if your life is harder when you try to control fate or when you let fate take the drivers seat for a bit. i like the lines about the tango. i think of the line "but tango's not for 3" and i imagine that you are in the dance with both fate and death. i dont tink you are the lead in the dance but rather a doll torn between the movements of the other 2 that you must follow to get out of this. i imagine spilled wine glasses and you ripping yourselg away from them both. but only to run into them in the way that leaves no out. death is not a game to be played and in the end the voice of this poem meets the dark and is the food of death. fate stands back and says "i grant your wish" and lets you escape her tie but allows only one path the one you were not ready for. her brother is a dangerous carictor even here in your poem. i like how you tied them all to you very nicely done. and i am pleased to see that you like the quote i wrote. it like a few others will be famous some day thanks to you. thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
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It's not bad ...
but I do wonder about line ten. It brings to mind Gandalf's reply to Frodo when he says Gollum deserves death, in the LOTR.
I'm really not at all sure about the ending of this. It seems to me that demanding that Fate heed your wishes is a bootless endeavor. I can't imagine that it would get you very far ... sort of like standing in front an onrushing train and saying "stop" because I want you to.
Anyway, other than that, it's not a bad job.
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i am pleased to announce that you followed 1/2 of the rules but your missing the tag. thank you for putting the quote in to the body of the poem. now just go back and put your tag into it and then i will come back with my review. i like it so far but until i see the tag i cant say much more so please help me out and get the tag on it so i can come and tell you how much i like the poem thank you
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