A Picture I Have To Burn

Your eyes are piercing my heart

I can’t look away

Those deep blue pools

That once gave me a flickering light

Are now as dark as my heart was when I met you

Has anyone else ever felt

This sinking feeling

Of guilt for breaking someone else’s heart

Or has anyone else ever felt

That they are saving them

By breaking away from them

That’s how I feel

I feel like I’m drowning

Every time I see this picture

When was this?

Five months ago

I’ve changed

Even then I was already changing

This picture

I was smiling

It must’ve been the first time I’d smiled

Within the last week

Nothing like

Falling in love

On the rebound

I was a burden to him

I was dragging down his life

He would never admit it

Maybe he never even saw it

I did

And I see this picture now

This pure innocence

Of simple existence

In each other’s arms

In each other’s hearts

I can’t look

At your eyes

Your hair

Your smile

I can’t look

I drown in guilt every time I look

I see your arm around me

And I’m looking into those bright eyes

I want to die right there

Both when the picture was taken

And now looking at it

I am now gripping the photo

With all of my strength

Tears swell in my eyes

Why?

It was my choice

And I don’t regret ending our relationship

I regret starting it

I’m stupid

I’m innocent

I’m ruled by my heart

I won’t even listen to my head

But while listening to my heart

I search my room for all pictures of him

I go online and delete all my past profile pictures of us

I delete all the photos from my camera

I take all my paper photos and go outside

I burn them one by one

I look at each one as I do

Watching us melt

In a fiery blaze

The last picture

The one I was holding before

I couldn’t watch it burn

I turned it over

To fine one word

Written on the back

In his handwriting

‘Forever’

This picture

I have to burn

But I'll wait

I'll hide it

Until I can forget forever

And remember that my eyes

Are still darker than his