MY FATE
By ~spiritualangel~
From the gray sky in a zephyr dragging,
murmuring a sweet song of a melancholy,
forcing to fall down in inebriant temptation,
in shouting to spheres of my lamented destiny.
Life misled the way when heart stopped loving,
being difficult to manage to reach any destination,
its harder to lose sufferings, sadness seems mad,
but hope to afford to dream again in my celestial fate.
Would like to be a small nightingale, to fly free in
morning, singing the Karma, to make a happy love
up to comming to the pivot hole of your soul window,
to forget absolute pain by seeing in, your Spartan beauty.
Author notes
Prompt: Quote Inspired..4> “Go with your fate, but not beyond. Beyond leads to dark places.” ~
By Mary Renault
A contest entry
- " I will dance with Fate, But I like her brother, Death, better." ~my payment for the pif of fate~ by Star of Atlantis.
800 points, ended June 16, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very good imagery. I almost lost sight of reality. xD
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Wow, amazing vocab here! The imagery and stories the words create are wonderful. Great job, and good luck
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"Your soul window" Very lovely words!
Great piece here, you followed your prompt well Best of luck 
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ok so now i need to know the poem you like best of your peers in this contest ... you can only pick one so please tell me the name of your gold choice and then put the name of your own poem and tell me you wrote that one, or i might get confused as to which is the vote. i will post the results as soon as i have recieved all the votes via private message. thank you ... oh and by the way since you have to read to vote leave a little something for the author about their poem. its a good way to promot comrodery between us all here and its a good way to learn and grow and it can make someones day too... i know i always like it even if someone says they hate it at least i know its getting read.
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first off i am glad to see that you did follow the rules by both taging and putting in the quote so cudos to you. now about your poem. first of there are a few lines of brilance here that i must stop on and talk about so here goes:
its harder to lose sufferings
how profund is this?! so true and so poiniant that in this line i feel my soul was ripped out to be examined. we dwell so much on the things that hurt us and pine over the things that we have lost that our suffering gets harder to go through and lasts longer. so this pharse says a lot in so few words. its a big give me goose bumps kind of wow line. my fave in the poem for its conection to soul and the meaning of life (well sort of the meaning of life)...
the pivot hole of your soul window
fate turns on a dime and gives you back change. this contest is all about fate and this line ties it to the depth of a person. the idea of your soul having a hole, and one used to pivot swivle or turn aroundis intersting. that you view it through a window with the clarity of being outside the situation and seeing the flaw of the soul (the pivit hole) where fate is the pin key that is in the hole is so interesting. i am reminded of something not so nice and a bit macab but its too dark to think about lets just say that i find myself thinking about where the soul attaches to the body and if that too is through this pivit hole. its an interesting consept that so much can rest on the possibilits of things falling into this hole. i like the textures this line makes me feel. i like poems with texture so often you find that poems are lacking in the connections with the sences but this is not the case in your poem so i thank you for the submission of really a wonderful poem. also on a side note you use some of the most beautiful words (all poets love to roll words around in their mouth has been my contest idea 2 times and some of my mouth rollers are in you poem this is a cool thing to think others like some of my fave words too.) thank you for entering and good luck
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Not bad ...
but I would suggest changing "Would like" in line 9 to "I'd like". I'd also remove the second "m" in "comming" in line nine.
All in all, however, this isn't a bad job.
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i of course will comment on the poem in debth but not at this time because the rules are not followed in your poem. please click on your edit button and put the quote in the body of the poem at the top with your tag under it. just like i showed in the example. once i have that then this poem will get my fullest of attention. i did read the authors notes and can see the quote you have chosen to use but i require it to be properly attached to the poem itself. if you are not sure what i am looking for in the tag for the poem or how i want the quote go into the contest that i won and read my gold cups first few lines and you will understand how i mean by putting in the quote and the tag thank you so much for your coorperation and for the submission of your poem its good and i will tell you more of what i think on it soon i promise.
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