I Am Your Beloved

Everything is cracked and misshapen beneath this ground
and our ankles are twisting along the way

It's difficult to say who stood highest
when you carved a yoke from a tree
to keep us together

The sound of our spines jangling in our necks
loosened from the pull, filled my ears
our knees hitting the earth
our swollen breaths coming through our ruined throats in the dark

I forgot that I'd ever had the ability to stand straight
I only remember being with you
I only remember being tethered together
If you crawl, I crawl with you

And so we dropped together
and when we fell, your words spilled out

I do not want to be alone.
I do not want to open my eyes.
I do not want to forget the sound of your voice.
I am going to die.

And when I went to comfort you,
I was already speaking

I am your bucket to vomit in.
I am all you have.

And I saw you had left me
and these noises that rattled the quiet were all my own

I am face down, yoked with no one but myself
having lost kneecaps, elbows and hair in my persistence
I thought we were in this together

I am what you want me to be
I am soaked in gasoline
I am paper
I am plastic
I am flammable, disposable, and recyclable
You are lighting your matches

You have whittled me down into a splinter to moan about
while I am without muscle or air

I have always been what you made me
your crutch, pillow and blanket
your toilet paper, band aid and hand to hold

I am simply tied to a tree
worth nothing but a lit match

But I am your beloved
and I do not believe you.