it's possible
to hear the 'hallelujah'
the cardinal awash
in a red sun, winging his way
to the almighty, nest - home,
whatever comes first
heard on a tongue
when it smooths skin
and tempts responses
deep inside it shudders
I have dug a bowl,
live within it
with no edges to cut me
no exits
I am lifted up
when the swallows come again
pilfering blue skies
with dots of white soft
hope was not flying away,
it rested when torment of snow
dons the heart of the earth
it's good to cry
every sadness at night
and hear the chorus
when switch is flicked
and dawn turns on her smile
In a list
A contest entry
- handful of feathers by exalted.
1750 points, ended May 27, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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a beautiful poem you have written, i enjoyed the images, flow, and message greatly. i'm unsure why you chose to use both cardinals and swallows instead of continuing the same image, but that's just a tiny thing i noticed.
i really don't have any criticism. you did very nicely on this. no matter how deep or shallow you choose to read this, it is beautiful. thank you for the entry
-cassidy
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I am blown away with my gold Cassidy, thank you so much for this. I think to your answer of using two birds instead of swallows or cardinals throughout...I wanted the 'hallelujah' to have its own image and the red in a cardinal fitted. For some reason Swallows have always reminded me of endings and goodbyes, so they subjugate the sadness in the piece. I am just glad that you enjoyed it. Love, Chez
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You're welcome, it was well deserved, and I like it more each time I read it
-cassidy
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Just beautiful, Chez. It is good to have a cry, for it washes clean so you can experience the hope of the swallow once again. Beautiful imagery here. "I have dug a bowl"--what a fantastic phrase and image. So different that Pit or Hole, or something else one might dig in a traditional sense and image. It so perfectly speaks to your reader!
ten
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Thank you my dear Bug! Always appreciate you flying in to read
Love, C
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