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up(pity)



slightly
salty


tear
  [jerk (stain{ed})]

rice

paper

lost it's
touch

and what i shed
falls

resting where it lands

be it skin
like a snake

as though i am the serpent

instead of eve




your honesty
is

refreshing

crisp

and brisk

and other adjectives

that i would use

to describe iced tea



but it is not sweet


and it is not bitter



i try to swallow
it

back

the words

the crying


jerkin strangles

lends
strength to the lump

and it exhausts

and i wish that it were caused

by something greater than myself



i harbor resentment

that even your thoughtfulness
fuels


i laugh to see the
chivalry fall

deadened

weakened

gallant efforts

failed
to impress

and i hope

you choke

on attempts to be polite

and trip as you try to hold doors open




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Comments


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha. Biting. Caustic. Always, you.
    I love this!
    I especially love the details - comparing the remarks (or their effects to tea), but not "bitter" or "sweet", and also the strangles of jerkin making the lump in your throat more difficult to swallow... too much!
    You are wonderful.


  • Creatress
    May 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well done. had me sucked in the whole time. I like your style here, your honesty and uniqueness is refreshing. also really strong ending.
    over all a great write and there for a great read.
    thanks for your comments
    Creatress