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I miss you x

From perfection, to two distant souls.
The man I once knew, now a stranger to me.

I so desperately tried to salvage what was left,
making up in places you were lacking.

But you walked, giving up far too easily,
throwing me out of your life, like vermin.

You used me, until something better came along...

And even though you broke my heart,

I still love you, with all the tiny little
                                              pieces...

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Hidden
    May 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it until the last 3 lines. they are cliche.


    • Leila
      May 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Its cause the prompt for it was the pic and it says "the pieces of my heart are missing you"....so maybe its cliche but everythings cliche these days lol x


  • Pollycheck
    May 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my short poems contest. You must however move on at sometime and go on with the rest of your life.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    May 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ah...this is what the love is..you amaze me in the last line..well done..


  • sassykitty
    May 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad and perfectly captures your emotions.i really like the way you use couplets to suggest the union between the two people and how it changes in the final stanza. the final single word line is particularly effective. well done and thanks for sharing. good luck in the contest.

  • sassykitty
    May 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad and perfectly captures your emotions.i really like the way you use couplets to suggest the union between the two people and how it changes in the final stanza. the final single word line is particularly effective. well done and thanks for sharing. good luck in the contest.


  • patsoldcat
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    final edit

    really a good write and i like the way it flows and how it ends in a single thought.

    good write


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully sad! I love the way
    that you wrote this. Very well
    thought out and I wish you the best
    of luck with it in this contest!
    Thanks for sharing it here!




    Jeremy0826


  • Lexie
    May 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good love poem. It was interesting and didn't take forever to read! great poem


  • patsoldcat
    May 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    thanks


  • sheltered
    May 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love that last line. Very original and captivating. Congrats.


  • SuicidalLover
    May 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem sis. Congrats to you on your silver!

    ~Kystal Angel


  • Blooming Poet
    May 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing. I am in awe. Onee thing in the second line, the I, is suppose to be capital.


    • Leila
      May 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I noticed that and was just editing as you commented hehe x


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    May 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow!! What an amazing ending!!! Sis this is beautiful and sad and brilliant!!
    I love it!

1 - 15 of 15