Driven along by merciful force
they mount a menacing assault
around a silent searing eye
their filmy fingers fly
snuffing out light
weeping sky
at last.
Author notes
Written in Duette for by CookieZeal
'B' Frame as follows:
1st - 9 syllables
2nd - 8
3rd- 7-8
4th-6-7
5th- 3-4
(if 6-7 lines)
6- 2-3
7- 1-2
© Zealberry Duette
A contest entry
- Write A Duette - LAST WEEK! Readers are required! by CookieZeal.
975 points, ended May 16, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A lovely piece inspired by the form. Very intense, a powerful penning!
Great write!
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Ohhhhhhhhh. Obscurity at its best!
I see an observational attack of humankind in spite of a higher intent, perhaps with the O-zone and those apprehensional invasive elements in our atmosphere.
The sky and its results are the final call to a less-than-approved reaction open suggestion at the end.
Great balance of cryptic detail.
It tickled me to see this form come to its intended delight!
You used the more challenging form of 'open statment' rather than 'question' which I admire so much.
*Suggestion*
Were this mine, I'd lift nearly all the punctuation. This form ascends without anchor in its brazen flight.
Great one. Thank you for entering!
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I can't see the sky
The menacing eye
Lights someone else
But lightning lights
showers that scower
the flames from
my cookfire
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