Tears For A Friend

on topic tears for a friend
It is my fault you're dead.
I was with you and didn't tell you not to jump off that cliff.
I didn't tell you not to take those pills.
I stood on the beach while I knew where you were diving was to deep for you to come up in time.
I just didn't say anything. Didn't do anything.
We were best friends.

Now, standing at your funeral,
You can't even imagine the guilt that is tearing at me.
Your mother is hugging me and crying - my shirt is no longer dry.
Your father is standing beside her with a hand on my back, far beyond tears now.

I heard him with my father last night,
I was listening through the grate, but I should have been dead to the world.
I could hear them talking in whispers at first.
But then I heard a wrenching sob and the next was muffled.
Into my father's chest as so many times a cut or a scrape sent both of us.

I stand there and let the guilt overwhelm me.
I can't cry and I can't say I'm on the other side of crying.
I have no feelings.
Give me a moment.
Please.

I break away from your parents.
I run from one grave to another in terror.
WHY CAN'T I FEEL?
Please give me feeling!
Suddenly I collapse.
And roll on my back.
And scream one long scream from my gut.
And I know what I have to do.