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warrior love (re-write)

my warrior my warrior... come back home
sun is gonna dawn and its gonna be dark
I am waiting at the door steps... waiting for you
the golden desert sank in to the velvet sea
my warrior my warrior... Where have you been?

My warrior my warrior...where are you?
Its cold out there and I am all by myself
The door creaks and windows streaks
the cold winds now shriek
the dust covers the floor

And I wait for you at door steps
Seeking through the lost dunes
My eyeliner still intact to my cheeks
Seeking at the thin horizon
Lost between the sand sea

Yet I wait for you
Time may stop
Storms may come to still
When it's all over I be there
To be with you once again
My warrior love


A contest entry

tell me your interpretations

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • deboree
    May 16

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    There's something

    about this poem that makes you read it aloud.

    I found the final verse very moving, also this line:

    sun is gonna dawn and its gonna be dark

    I also liked the refrain very much.

    The use of .. instead of . . . was disconcerting for me.

    IMHO A powerful work from a sophisticated writer,.


    • abuyi
      May 16
      Edit | Reply
      i am so glad that you like my work... this poem is dedicated to Earthstar who lost her partner. the poem talks about a traditional arabian desert woman awaiting for her love.. that was a prompt from another contest which i didn't enter.

      thanks for pointing that out, i found another mistake because of that


      thanks again for the applauds too

  • Mega Pixels
    May 12

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    Wonderful. I had fun reading it out loud, which usually means it's good


  • earthstar
    June 2, 2008

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    very thoughtful write. he was my everything. sometimes one feels alone. missing the physical present. Thank you for sharing this with me in my hour grief.


    • abuyi
      June 3, 2008
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      i wish you all the best and hope you get all the support you need at this dark times
      wishing you all the best

  • Amarige
    May 31, 2008

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    Wonderful love poem,can go for lyrics too because of the repition which made is strong piece as well, great job my friend..best of luck in the contest
    Ruby


  • storiesuntold gold member
    May 13, 2008

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    Good write and knowing in time

    THis is very good and yes we call out and so want an answer back yet within ourselves we know once souls are joined so shall they be rejoined in the passing.


  • StarEyes
    May 13, 2008

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    Thanks for this entry in the contest. You did a great job on it! Will be back with full comments at the close of the contest.

    Best of luck in this contest.

1 - 9 of 9