this motel room; an artifact
buried in the fifties,
she lays upon a bed
that strains under unspeakable sin
'do you love me...?'
'Yeah, sure..."
the shadows dance as the door opens
and a little more of her soul escapes
Author notes
Shatter My Soul, Let My Heart Ache
A contest entry
- DIDN'T EXPECT THAT .....prewrites allowed) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 15, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - triptych by pine-needles.
1300 points, ended July 12, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shatter My Soul, Let My Heart Ache by Reaper-117.
1500 points, ended May 27, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'm so
Comments
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Not a bad write, and certainly one that makes you think. Makes me wonder if she is a prostitute or just being used...making me wonder is always good, so long as it is done intellectually.
And thanks for actually following the author's notes rule, you are the first to do so that I have read.
Thanks for entering. -
concise. minimalistic and economical with words, like the sparse motel room. says what's neede to be said. the two lines of dialogue the most striking and effective part of this poem for me.
not sure about the final stanza. feel like could do a little more with this besides dancing shadows and her soul seeping out the door.
awesome title. thanks for entering!
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