Imhotep can still recall
the gods that crystal stars
separate from humanity
He stretches down his arms
while dusk lowers its fine dress
to cloak the buildings in darkness
He sees only ruffles, spiky heels
and fringes
and the shop's lights
that makes the stars retreat
and people pull out their wallets
to worship, not pharohs, but fashion.
A contest entry
- Anything and everything!!!! by Falcon SilverWolf.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling ALL Poets! ~ A Poetry Extraveganza by Shassidy.
475 points, ended July 18, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by MrCrepsley.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Do you think he was Joseph? I do not like this because I am a Christian, not because it is not written well.So much controversy over this man who did many brilliant things but is no God.
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This had such an ironic feel to it. A "hmmmmm?" passed by my screen while finishing this...lol. You managed to capture a sad (if not, 'pitiful') image of so much modern society. "while dusk lowers its fine dress/to cloak the buildings in darkness/He sees only ruffles, spiky heels/and fringes..." - Great write.
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This is a great piece! I really like the flow and the metaphors in this. I like the twist at the end too. I have a personal attachment with Egypt and the first thing that struck me about this poem was the title. I'd say my favorite part of this is the first three lines because they are worded really well and have a lot of wonderful imagery in them. I really like the title because it's inventive and ties in with the poem and it grabs a reader's attention. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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What a clever twist of the simile's
That was brillantly done!
I just loved it!
you have a touch of prose and dark in you!
lovely layers and textures in your writing!
way to write!
ears/Seattle....i bet everyone just gasped!
we americans are obsessive about fashion (lol)
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ooo intersting out look i like it
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This is a fine little poem. I like the mixing up of times and places that you've done here.
the juxtapositions..Imhotep/spiky heels are graphic but the poem still has a gentleness about it.
very nice
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Interesting piece. He was an architect, philosopher and poet, brilliant and passionate. Others saw the ordinary. He saw the beauty. well done. Blessings. Debby
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