Fun campfire stories and high mountain trails
Old western movies where the good must prevail
Family card games played late into night
These are my pleasures that make life so bright
Worn saddle leather and fine buckskin horses
History novels or good rhyming verses
Cold beer with chili that warms with each bite
These are my pleasures that make life so bright
Hockey in winter and baseball all summer
Music with drums and a slick guitar strummer
My daughters’ laughter from a good pillow fight
These are my pleasures that make life so bright
When I feel down
Given up the fight
I just look upon
What makes life so bright
Then step forward into a brand new dawn
Author notes
Sung to the beat of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music.
As with all my poetry, I appreciate constructive feedback so that I can improve as a writer. Please give it to me straight, I'm a big boy, I can take it.
A contest entry
- My Favourite Things by Darianna.
525 points, ended May 15, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Well
It seems you hit on the good life. Beer, hockey and just kicking back to enjoy what nature offers. A splendid poem with a classy touch of rhyme. I did like it so much.
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Wow from the beginning I just loved this piece. Love the outdoors, and little is as special as staying up late playing cards or other games with family. Throw in some good books, sports, music and you've highlighted some of my favorite things in an uplifting poem.
The rhythm and meter were also really consistent. If I would think of changing anything it would be to consider changing "daughters" to "little girls" which I think might flow a drop better, though that's just my opinion and this is a lovely piece.
I guess I might also consider changing the structure of the last stanza a little. I imagine you have it different from the rest on purpose, but after the strict structure of the first few stanzas, it seems to move a little closer to free verse than I personally would want (though again just my opinion.)
Really great write!!
edit: Just realized the rhythm is to a song. Don't know the song so I don't know if the last stanza fits in well. If it does ignore my last comment.
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haha, that's cool, after i read yer author notes about the tue, i started singing it ^^ great job that's really nice.
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Well, I can easily relate to so much of what you've penned here. Great way to frame your experiences and perspective on life. These lines clenched it for me,
"My daughters’ laughter from a good pillow fight
These are my pleasures that make life so bright". Not because I have had many pillow fights with my daugther; because my daughter (my baby girl) captured my heart 5 long years ago - I smiled at those lines the most. Good inspiration injected in the last stanza too. Bravo...
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These are the pleasures, yeah.
Not so easy, lately, to find someone who appreciates the beauty in worn saddle leather; it's like a cowgirl who's now a grandmother, somehow...well aged, still doing her job well and still beautiful.
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Full of the spirit in which it was written/meant...loved it....last stanza needs a little packing maybe but your the writer! 'chilli' ;D
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Its bright and cheerful as it takes u along bringing a smile and a beat ,but i have to agree that the last stanza seems a lil oout of place with the rest of the piece, a kind of coming back down to earth but hey maybe u meant it that way
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I like the rhythm of the piece. It held my attention. But it feels unfinished to me, maybe your last stanza departed from the rhythm.
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I love this, such a good meter to it.
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you took me to all those pleasures with the smooth flow of words ...and waiting for more pleasures....
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There is simply nothing you can not write.
I loved it...then OBVIOUSLY when I got to the authors notes I had to go back and re-read....mmmmm....sing it, lol....and it got even better.
Such talent....always a joy to read.
Jamie
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I can almost hear the jangly guitar and vilin as I read this, playing in some smoky country bar like a Hank Williams jukebox moment. Captures the every day pleasures which make life tolerable very well. Much admiration for that. You keep writing and I'll keep reading, time to time. The simple tales are often the most touching.
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There is a song called ...Summer Wages....some words are.........and in all the beer polars
all long Young ST,
the dreams of the season,
spilled down on the floor....
It was widely done by David Bromberg...on the...
How Late'll Ya play Till album
These words can replace those in a heart beat.
This goes so very much further then a " stop and smell the roses" type of write.
The enjoyment that is derived from these activity's is put in pure and classic poetic form.
Written with an almost blinding determination to keep these things high on the list...never to deprive yourself from the essence of happiness.
...my daughters laughter from a good pillow fight....
Soak it in brother...my daughter is 32 now.....
but this old house has done me well...I can still hear the laughter from the past.
As usual your work has sent me back...to the things that really matter.... being content
ANOTHER TERRIFIC PIECE MY BROTHER,
LOWELL POE.
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Summer Wages .... Never hit seventeen, when you play against the dealer, you know the odds won't ride with you.....lol
Ian Tyson wrote that song. Bromberg was one of many who've covered it over the years.
Tyson is one of my favorite songwriters and lives about 20 minutes from me. I wouldn't call him a good friend, but we've branded cattle together, got drunk a time or two and met many, many times. It's funny that you should bring that song up lol
My oldest daughter is graduating highschool this year, my youngest will graduate next. Those pillow fights don't happen as often as they used to, but I cherish all the time I spend with them.
Thanks for the comment.
Rory
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You make me feel so good when I read your poetry. Have a wonderful weekend, Rory. Love, Lane
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A really great write.
I remember family card games before TV. great fun. I read a lot in those days too. I really enjoyed this one.
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Very lyrical indeed but what a message you give as well...the most important things in life are pleasure for sure... we each have our own plreasures which make life worthwhile and to ourself we should be true.
A few lines i had to go over for the flow of the music but it could just me getting so so many interruptions.... nicely penned and a brilliant take on the prompt....good luck.
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Rory, I believe that without the help of the sound of music this is still a superb bit of reflection. I would love to do this myself but time is making many things difficult. I got the best of you here in what you like and what spins your wheel. I hope you do well in this contest because I would grade the lines above average even knowing it is written to a song from someonelse. Brilliant and definetly you. RC
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When I got to the end and saw your note about singing it, I too did it again and sang it to myself. Well done.
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This feels so comforting and full of the simple pleasures in life. I read it first then sang it as suggested, really cheered me up! thanks Rory!!
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