lost, in her own little world
as the world turns her thoughts whirl
broken and torn without a smile
she hasn't done it for a while
smiles and happines not on her mind
her sadness and anger never confined
future promises to be broken
the truth of life to be unspoken
burning with desire deep with in herself
not knowing the truth, or the problem it self
forever mistaken and going off course
the pain is felt with such strong force
giving up, and lossing it all
being set up for the biggest fall
against her will she losses hope
this is too much she can not cope
breaking down, and falling hard
her story well read and then discard
fading, and disapearing never to be seen
her voice is fading, can't hear the screams
Author notes
this isnt what u asked for but it is based on a broken heart and hatred she has along with sadness and how she is lost and forgotton....
A contest entry
- Make eyes sparkle with your words by ladame.
450 points, ended June 1, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by vampireprincess.
315 points, ended June 25, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 3 New - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 15, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Four Pictures To Inspire. by Manda Kathryn.
450 points, ended June 2, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There are no small poems Only small poets! by GypsyEyes.
300 points, ended June 3, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit me with your best shot by MYsecondchance.
330 points, ended June 13, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Odd........(CLICK ME) by Jaffa-.
510 points, ended February 6, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do u think??
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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nice write,,, well thought out
another nice write,,, thanks for sharing your talent here,,, -
I did enjoy this, I thought that it was very powerful and very emotional. a very big well done and thanks for the great entry.
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When you die, your story will be discarded and forgotten and I think that's what scares me the most. Then, what does this life really mean anyway?
Thanks for letting me think about all these in your poem. Great write.
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Thank you for the entry in our contest, we assume this is written specifically for a picture prompt, while a good poem we feel it would be better if a picture had been present.
Please join us in our future contests...Sue and Jeff
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the words and their rhymes are beautifully arranged... the meaning of the poem is a major plus... brilliant!!!
~dcoffeeaddict
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the last stanza is pretty ficking amazing! but i did enjoy the entire thing! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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I like this poem. I feel alot of melancholy when I read it. You have done a great job with it. Best of luck in the contest.
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Interesting poem, full of imagery and emotions.
Well penned
♥
Thank you & Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
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cool
wow great indeapth write lots of feeling
good luck -
AWESOME!!!! I loved it. It's a really moving piece. Thanks for entering and sharing this with me. Good luck.
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AWESOME!!!! I loved it. This is an amazing piece. Thanks for entering and sharing it with me..Good luck in my contest.
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A write with great wonders in its simplicity ^^
Emotions portrayed here are quite strong in their depths
and the flow may be quick but fluid, anyway n.n
All in all, a decent write that many can relate =] -
This is obviously keenly felt emotion on your part.
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The rhyme makes this poem a little too fast for me. The subject seems to rush into oblivion like a train, which is effective, but leaves little time to ponder anything. It's mostly the rhyme that causes the words to jolt for me - "such strong force" - there's a nice use of aliteration, but it's not really something you'd say or write.
Maybe I'm just a bit picky...But I don't think it's bad, just that there are a few of the rhymes that might flow better.
Feel free to change anything you like before the end of the contest - I guess I'm no good at contests because I think everyone's writing has the capacity to be stunning, and I want to offer loads of comments and help, rather than saying "that's good, that's not so good."
Thanks for entering. Ladame x -
sorry bout the last message. Its a really good poem. you chose your words wisley, and the image it creates is dark but a good one. Great job
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i like it
i really like it
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Very deep and introspective atmosphere. Your choice of vocabulary and construction really delivered the emotional impact. "her story well read and then discard". Such an impactful line. So mnany people are but "death bytes" in this culture. Invisable in either state of being...alive or dead. To the point it often feels the same either way.
Great read as usual.
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Very desc
Wow this is intense and in a weird way i wish i could have written it because it is how i feel on so many levels! great write i love the flow of it all and all your choices of words. I hope you don't mind if I bookmark it?
once again great write, i might just have to check out more work from you.
~Madi~
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