she drowns in a cup
of deep black coffee
slipping further out of her
red hat
her leather coat resting on her
like a large brown bird
he traces her lipstick stains
hoping to catch
the linger of a kiss
his fingers come away
purple
and there is no love on them
only cheap cosmetics
she sighs
as she attempts to laugh
and she drifts through the air vent
as he sinks
below
the
drain
Author notes
i wrote a poem like this a while ago, while i was people watching in a cafe. but it was a bit shorter and i think it was called something else...i can't remember. but the images are still in my head.
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything (sort of) by Puking Faerie Dust.
750 points, ended June 7, 2008, 30 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie. Writers block! please help. by Dreamana.
300 points, ended June 13, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Salvia by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended June 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
thoughts, anyone?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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his fingers come away
purple
and there is no love on them
only cheap cosmetics
Awesome lines. Great job here. Thanks so much for the brilliant share.
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The poem is great but unfortunately I find it difficult to connect it with the theme of the contest. It might just be me.
Thank you for entering. -
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ah, sorry. i wasn't thinking when i entered it. my only writers block poem was rather epic and would've been too long.
you can DQ me if need be.
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I do remember something similar to this but I still like this poem. Are you trying to say that coffee is your inspiration and that cafes can be a good place to write? Maybe I am being too literal. Like the cheap cosmetics.
Good luck. -
wow! this is really powerful. I like it so much!
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This poem is really unique and original. It creates a lot of images and ideas about what the poem may mean.
good write
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I really liked this. It had a morbid, dark undertone to it. I like the image of him going down the drain. Very well written, and I like the use of poetic device. Thank you very much for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
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thanks. and thank you for hosting the contest.
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This does not seem to rush, less intensity, but I like the feel of it, the actions and colors. It sets a great mood. Besides I really love this background. Wish they had one for tea.
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This was fantastic! (and not just because it's about coffee
)
<3 -
whoa, pretty cool. i like when his fingers come away with the cheap cosmetics. i think the format works well, and the end is good.
-cassidy
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There is a lot I like about this, especially this line:
"her leather coat resting on her
like a large brown bird"
There is a woman's group called the Red Hat Society...they (of course) wear red hats and they wear purple clothing. THey all must be over fifty...I think they must flock together to fill their days with whatever is lacking at home (red hat ladies, my appologies). This poem sort of goes with my notion of the group.
I'm not sure I like the line about the cheap cosmetics, my opion...you could drop it. I do like the proceding:
"his fingers come away
purple
and there is no love on them" -
There's a feeling of lanquid ennui about this, indifference. The French word ennui is the only one I can think of to express this but you've captured the mood really well.
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This poem was really good. Not so much a fan of coffee, but definitely a fan of this, good job.
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mmm...coffee...
nice poem. i kinda had a problem understanding if she really was dying, but i can picture it.
you do good. mongo congratulate you.
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...she wasn't dying. more like fading from reality. and he was just kinda sadly watching her go.
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omg i love this almost as much as i love coffee!!!!
<3 b
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...thanks? lol <3
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