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My Mother’s Countenance

Your unfrowning countenance
Shows no mother quality,
But I reached  for you:
Such begging was wasteful.

We never spent a moment
As you raised me and left me;
My papa’s waltz 
Could not stop itself.

The arms that wrapped around me
Were never those of love;
At every kiss you gave me
My heart would beat for nothing.

You left me to learn my self
With eyes never taking a second look,
Then set me off to bed
Still reaching for your care.

Author notes

Allusion to the poem "My Papa's Waltz"
theme: abuse from the parent not doing anything.

AddenLee

quality comments only please, no one liner crap of "i liked it", that's just annoying to have.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments


  • islekine
    June 8

    Edit | Reply

    This is quite sad.....I am close to my

    son...and my mother.....you have expressed yourself well.....in poetic fashion.....Thanks for entering!
    My final score will come at end of judging...
    Write on!
    *PEACE*


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    I am not sure how to comment on this after what you said sometimes one liners can be complementry and full of praise. So I will just say thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.

  • Nam
    May 31
    Edit | Reply
    I only had a problem with one line, and that's "You left me to learn my self" - it just reads a tad off, to me. I can't really explain what that is but I feel it has to do with with the lead up to "my self".

    Other than that, a nice poem that you have written here.

    -Nam

  • XXxXBassMeisterxXxX
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    Great job. It was like loaded with allusion. I read the other poem awhile ago and they are both beautiful. Amdiddlyazig and best of luck in the contest.