Your unfrowning countenance
Shows no mother quality,
But I reached for you:
Such begging was wasteful.
We never spent a moment
As you raised me and left me;
My papa’s waltz
Could not stop itself.
The arms that wrapped around me
Were never those of love;
At every kiss you gave me
My heart would beat for nothing.
You left me to learn my self
With eyes never taking a second look,
Then set me off to bed
Still reaching for your care.
Author notes
Allusion to the poem "My Papa's Waltz"
theme: abuse from the parent not doing anything.
AddenLee
quality comments only please, no one liner crap of "i liked it", that's just annoying to have.
A contest entry
- Anything goes. by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
306 points, ended June 1, 2008, 31 entries
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Honorable mention
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510 points, ended September 25, 111 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
This is quite sad.....I am close to my
son...and my mother.....you have expressed yourself well.....in poetic fashion.....Thanks for entering!
My final score will come at end of judging...
Write on!
*PEACE*
-
I am not sure how to comment on this after what you said sometimes one liners can be complementry and full of praise. So I will just say thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
-
I only had a problem with one line, and that's "You left me to learn my self" - it just reads a tad off, to me. I can't really explain what that is but I feel it has to do with with the lead up to "my self".
Other than that, a nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
Great job. It was like loaded with allusion. I read the other poem awhile ago and they are both beautiful. Amdiddlyazig and best of luck in the contest.
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