The Fight Back

I still remember that night, that my sister caught me high beneath her eyes,
and the tears coming out her eyes, made me realize how high i was in the sky.
I still remember talking to my parents about my addiction, the day my sister turned 19 was the day after she caught me kissing with mary jane.
As the next day went by, my sister was locked in her room not knowing what to do, while i was in the kitchen talking to my parents, i felt like graving the kitchen knife and stabing myself in front of their eyes, i just had no fear.
If anyone knows that fear, of telling your loved one's what your feeling, will know what im trying to say, is like confessing in the eyes of god, while he stands in front of you wipping his tear's. Now ive been sober for 8 months, and feeling like im fighting a battle that only i can win, i see doors opening slower, and i have nightmares of me running through a forest full of weed, and i have nightmares of myself drowning in pcp. When i wake up every morning i lie to myself saying that i dont want it, when the craving for mary jane gets stronger i feel like closing my eyes and going back to sleep, doors creek in my dreams everytime i try to stay away from the lean, i used to feel like i was sitting on a chair, were smoke would come out of everytime i sit, when i dipped my joint in pcp, i felt like it took over me, and i would feel invincible, but the lies that someone live's are to be forgiven by themself's. Now i feel like dying one's the drug's are done, there is only one escape, which i can take it right now, but my body freeze's when i start running, now i fear for my live, now wondering if i will able to be who i used to be, and knowing that i fried my brain, i think every morning if god will keep me alive for the next day, i dont know this feeling, is a hunger in your mind i havent ate for 8 months and hopefully for the rest of my life. Is like saying you need to eat everyday because you get hungry, well i used to feed of mary jane and pcp, i havent ate for 8 months and my stomach feels so empty inside. But i still remember that one night when my sister caught me high beneath her eyes, i felt like it was over i had to divorse my ex-wife i called her mi dolores(mariajuana), and i also had to stop seeing lean(pcp), because neither of them would let me go to sleep.