Mind fractured in fear,
splintering to a fantasy
fashioned for herself;
only she can see
Innocence released
from clawing chaos
surrounding her soul,
she flies free
Yet a lone tear falls
in mourning for a
childhood that will
never be...
Author notes
Prompt: Pic, no more than 40 words
As a child I created a fantasy world away from the chaos, and in that world I floated on the wind. As an adult I realise this is common, and wasn't real, yet those memories seem as real to me as any other...
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt(semi-quickie) by Angelflower.
772 points, ended May 15, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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OH WOW--loved this...it's like, "Here Freud, a poem to explain my psychological trauma." Appreciate your AN as well--it's very illuminating.
I love all three stanzas!!! They're so truthfully wrought out. The first stanza describes how personal the fantasy is and the second stanza is kind of empowering. The third one is gut-wrenching (but not tear-inducing because I guess I'm stone-hearted like that...LoL)
Love your verb use with 'fractured', 'splintering' and 'fashioned'.
Childhood only ends when you want it to though Jacks--for instance, I know a lot of childish teachers who heckle you about nothing. Some adults are just tall children (and some are not even tall...
)
Great write and kudos on nabbing that pretty Silver trophy =]
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so sad...but such captivating words sis..Congrats on the silver
Cin
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Nailed it!
I think you have connected with a lot of people with this one and that is the true beauty of poetry. Your talent is easily evident in this. Loved the alliteration, made it flow quite nicely. Grats on the silver!!
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A Heartfelt and most beautiful write, Jacks---Very Well Done!
--Best of luck in the contest!
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this hit so close to home!! I can't seem to stop crying!! lol.. girly of me..
You really expressed yourself here and layed bare a lot..Thank you very much for being brave enough to share this with us!!
Angel
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wow...thats deep...and its really good...wow....
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wow, wow, wow - you've hit this picture deep! I don't think the pain of a child could be better described than what you have done here.
Deep, moving, powerful!
best wishes in your contest.
Great job!!
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Outstanding!!
This write is so deep and moving to me! I feel the pain that is fled fom as a child looks for that thread of life to call her own. Sad but true the machines are in motion and a child is left to fend for herself. Your notes are so very heartfelt and built on truth no matter how painful. I really love this piece! So much heart! Don
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Those memories are as valid as any other. "Who is to say what is reality and what is an illusion?" Moody Blues
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wow! It's sad that this child had to create a fantasy world because of fear and then to discover her innocence and childhood was lost too. And even more sad that it happens everyday. Very powerful. Thank you and good luck!
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So touching
and sad. yet beautifully penned by the mistress of poetry!
great write.
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Wonderful write...something Im sure every child has created, regardless of good or bad in their lives....
good luck..
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Yes, you are right.. I think most children do!
Thanks hun
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such sadness vibrates through your words. You truley make me feel your emotions as you wrote this peice. Beautiful write and good luck in the contest!
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This is soo sweet. I remember doing that. Of course it did get me into trouble while walking oh well. A great write sis! I wish you luck.
~Kystal Angel
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i could say so much to that.. but i wont not yet.Nothing bad on your part just to let you know...
as for your poem... awesome job... your always awesome... i really liked this.. you diffently have mine beat.. hugs... thank you for sharing this with me... and good luck but i dont think you'll need it... -
So much emotion in this, as so many of us can relate to. It is heartbreaking to see a child torn..I couldn't write to this pic because it brought tears. You, as always, lovely lady have penned magic through your words. All my best to you.
Linda
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Sometimes sis...your words really dig deep into my past and pour fire onto the flames of hatred I have for my youth.....
Simon
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Our subconscious is an amazing tool. Our best friend in times like this...a saving grace...and, our worst enemy at times when encased memories feed on our softness. This is such a powerful write, but expressed with grace and beauty.
Peaceful blessings,
Ashley
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Excellent
Wow, such powerful choices of words for the picture. And so full of truth. Best of luck in the contest.
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Beautiful write. So very sad, but so truthful at the same time. As you said in your AN, it is very common for children to created "fantasy worlds" just so they can escape the pain that it going on around them. A very emotional write. Thanks for sharing this with us hun! (hugs)
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Sadly beautiful... you can feel the pain and longing. Perfect take on the prompt.
Ken
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that was so sad! that little girl could be my little sister because she has to listen to our parents everyday and the yelling is gonna drive her crazy some day if they dont stop and separate
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Sorry to hear that sweetie!! I hope the yelling stops soon!
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Emotional
Wonderful write. You have gone back into your childhood that was so real to you and brought it back to share with us. This will help free your soul from the burdens you carry
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Yet a lone tear falls
in mourning for a
childhood that will
never be...
WOW, girl, you get me. That was beautiful.
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This is powerful, love the phrases you have used, especially 'clawing chaos', awesome! Another fave for me here I used to have an invisible friend, he went every where with me and I would get really upset when people sat on him...lol. Superbly done, good luck
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Floating...
The mind can be an amazing thing.
Well penned my dear sister.
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this has such a sweet, lullaby-ish melancholy to it... great..I don't know what else to say about it
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"Yet a lone tear falls
in mourning for a
childhood that will
never be..."
Lovely work! Good luck in the contest!
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Aww..this tugs the heart so...children are so gullible..as a child I too thought of a perfect world...
life isn't so always...
All the best in the Contest!
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an excellent write, i can really relate to this one, if only thse childhood dreams were real, how different things would be, great take on the pic. tc x x x
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My Heart Breaks
Excellent poem. Oh how I could relate to this one. Oh how I wish it were different but it will never be!! You did a fabulous job on this poem. The emotions and imagery were all there. Heart breaking but excellent write. Just love ya,
Your sis
Kelle
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Decided i should stop being lazy and comment some now Great take on the prompt, makes me want to cry
lol, excellent work as always sis! xx
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awwwwwwwwww
My dear friend........ I know about not having a true childhood also. you survived though and became a sweet gentle lady. I do know a part of us shall always mourn for what we never had as a child. God bless you Jackie, Mark
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Wow... how terrible!! That's so sad!
You know exactly where my mind went with this one too, how dare you! lol.
Terrific writing as per usual... you never cease to amaze
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An excellent take on the prompt--so sad!
--Well Done & Best of luck in the contest!
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So true of so many children!!! Your last stanza here had me all choked up thinking about every child that was denied their childhood!!! A very beautifully and yet haunting write...
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Thanks hun!
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The finality in this poem is overstated. The childhood can happen at anytime the soul gives in to the wonder of the universe. It is a wonderfully powerful write. Kudos.
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It sure can.. think I'm having that childhood now!
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A strong write, Jacks. Very strong. I, like so many, have a huge soft spot when it comes to the innocence of childhood and this was a direct hit on its core. The last stanza was especially so perfect. Good work and good luck in the contest!
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So sad
I know not where this poem came from. Peerhaps from the heart or from the child still within. Never the less it is so sad that anyone can feel the pain
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this is amamzeing auntie
i love you -
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Thank you sweetheart.. love you too!
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