If I danced beneath the moon,
If I let my long hair down,
If I danced beneath the moon
In a dark medieval gown
Would that start to make you swoon?
If I danced beneath the moon
And sang sweet and mystic tunes
Would that start to make you swoon?
Would that start to make you swoon?
If you gazed into my eyes
Would you see the magic there?
If you gazed into my eyes
And you touched my ebon hair
Would you fear your own demise?
If you gazed into my eyes,
If you held my mystic stare
Would you fear your own demise?
Could such love be your demise?
If I granted you a wish
Would you grant a wish for me?
Would you give me just a kiss
If not love eternally?
A contest entry
- Magic in the Silver Moon by Lone Defender.
500 points, ended May 19, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1668 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Ohhh.... makes me catch my breath... definitely medal worthy. Absolutely beautiful... magikal for certain. I am at a loss for better words to do this justice. Wonderful!
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I loved the concept presented in this poem, of love either going one way or the other, enchanting or destructive. I found that the repetition worked well, it made the messages throughout very poignant to the reader. The beauty of the poem stayed with me after I read it. Congrats on the gold, its well deserved.
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This was a stunning poem. Wonderful rhyme and structure! Fantastic!
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Soul Stirring
Love is....
It's hard to put into words.
Da image of this poem is radiant.
Keep up da good work.
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...Perfect.
The first and only entrant to capture what I wanted and leave me wide-eyed and smiling. -
It's not bad. Check your second stanza though. The second line I think you are missing the word you and in the fourth line I think you forgot the y in ebony. Other then that it's good
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You were right. I was missing "you."
Ebon is correct though. It means the same thing, but is only an adjective.
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Lovely!
Perfect piece for the contest, and with such a perfect background! I've often thought about the same theme, yet the love I seek does not come, nor answer me. Best of luck to you!
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Outstanding
I liked the repetition and the way you devloped the theme of this poem with emaculate rhyme and the way you used your feminine charms to seduce the reader. This is a great poem, sophisticated and with a clever ending. Best of luck in the contest.
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A great entry--well written & versed--Second Stanza is my favorite--
"If you gazed into my eyes
Would see the magic there?
If you gazed into my eyes
And you touched my ebon hair
Would you fear your own demise?
If you gazed into my eyes,
If you held my mystic stare
Would you fear your own demise?"
Well done & Best of luck in the contest!!
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