Pound, pound…
Oh, my head…
Where am I?
What is going on?
What is on me?
Gliding so smoothly?
Are those hands…?
If so, whose hands?
What is happening to me?
16293905773872649902846
I can’t see
The weight on my eyes
I must be face down
Gods my head hurts so bad
I remember drinking
Did I have too much?
Then I’m probably at home
But this isn’t my bed
Wait…bed?
Whose bed is this?
2500118989238520547451277
Who is doing this?
Who is hurting me?
My head…I can’t think straight
Please don’t do this to me
Please, please, please
Stop…
I can feel him, taking my pants off
Please, give me the energy to say no
To say anything
To turn around even!
Please, I’ll do anything
Just stop…
I can feel your breath as you
Crawl upon me
The heat gives me internal chills
No, don’t do this…
5475213446009787123025868
Get your slimy hands off me
I can’t feel myself
…….
Is that really me, down there?
Poor me
Poor me to be stupid enough to drink
Foolish me
Stupid me. Look where it’s got me
What is he doing to me?
Why is he doing that?
Make him stop!
Hello?!? Surely someone must hear me
Hello?!?
Hey, you!
Whoever you are, stop that!
Stop doing that to me!
Get off me!
………
Please, I’ll do anything…
I can feel your weight on my back now
I can’t see
Just let me see you
No…please…don’t do this…
No!
Can’t you hear me? I’m saying
NO!
That hurts…
You’re hurting me
Please stop, I can’t stand this
Let me up
I feel like I’m choking
I’m suffocating
38407456308395211032773
Any and all gods who exist
Please clear my head
Make it stop pounding
What happened?
Where am I?
I can turn over now
Where is he?!?
Where did he go?
Is he nearby?
Wait…I’m awake
“Oh my god. What happened to me?”
Author notes
You are probably wondering what the numbers are. I will start from the beginning.
Lately I've been writing about a certain event that happened to me. I was raped at a party because I was passed out. I know that those of you who know me (and those who don't) are going to kill me for saying this, but despite all the reassurances, I still feel as if it was my fault.
These are my real thoughts, reconstructed from the best of what little memory I have of that night. That is why they are so fragmented, scattered, and repetitive. This is what I was really thinking through an event that really happened. This isn't made up for dramatic effect. It's as real as it gets.
As for the numbers...for some reason, I can't explain why, but when I was passed out and was "fading" between consciousness and unconsciousness, I kept thinking of numbers. Every time I fell back into that dream-like state, it was because a long stream of numbers came across in my mind and acted like a lullaby...I can't say why it happened. But it did.
'Yay Blue Potato's'
A contest entry
- (= Prewrites!!!!! ENTER NOW!!!!!!!!! =) by xCandieKissesx.
525 points, ended May 19, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poet's Choice III by Luna Tique Fringe.
1750 points, ended May 25, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes. by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
306 points, ended June 1, 2008, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1708 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your most very personal poetry♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 7, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hate by ApathysEnemy.
650 points, ended November 22, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abused??? Let it known! Scream it out, tell the world about it. by starving-to-survive.
1700 points, ended February 3, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enigmatic Rounds-PREWRITES- Round 1 by MysteriousWhisper.
400 points, ended July 24, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me What This Feeling Is by Nostalgia.
850 points, ended August 6, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Wow- this is a heavy piece, so much raw emotion. I feel like I may have read this before, I'm not sure though. This is such a real write- I can really feel it.
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yes please!
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Very raw and expresses the confusion you feel during the whole experience. It really gave me a clear visual picture of the whole ordeal in a way that's difficult to do in so few words. Good job!!
I hope writing this helped you get through this experience, and I hope you were able to come to terms with it.
Yes.
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very well expressed
you express being violated very very well and when i saw the numbers, they made perfect sense to me,
that vulnerable space in us will count when in deep fear,
warm wishes and hugs,
Isabella -
this was excellent, and i got the number thing without having to read your AN. i was figuring it was a way to numb what was happening.
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brilliant......thank you for entering my contest. so much emotion, this poem is so sad. Thank you for sharing. THe fear, helplessness and anxiety is portrayed so well. Absolutly great! keep it up
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Wow
omg... i can't believe that happened to you... you don't know me and I don't know you, but anyway, I'm sorry. I probably won't help, but I hope you don't blame yourself forever. -
not feeling it,
however, this is a good point of veiw expressed and I am really sorry this happened to you and you had to go threw this
~prewrites, come and get them -
It was good but not excatly hate in my point of view. The poem was well-written and the story was very sad and well-told but i think it was more scared that hate
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i really like your poems
there not that emo??
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Thank you.
And I like to think they're not emo. I consider there to be a big difference between emo and traumatic, which is exactly what I consider this poem to be.
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This part hit home for me...
"Is that really me, down there?
Poor me
Poor me to be stupid enough to drink
Foolish me
Stupid me. Look where it’s got me"
and
"Hello?!? Surely someone must hear me
Hello?!?"
Because its happened to me to. That is, if you felt like there was a part of you hovering above looking down at yourself. Thats the image it brings to mind but maybe thats just because it hit something personal in me.
I dont know what to say in the face of something so horrid so I will just say I'm so sorry that happened to you and I hope one day he will have to pay for what he did.
Anyway, this is raw and brings on strong emotion.
Keep writing.
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WOW. I can't even begin to describe how jaw dropping this poem is. I'm sososo sorry this happened to you. I really couldn't imagine being in that position. Wow. You conveyed such a painful experience. I thought the numbers added a lot to this poem, and really suited it well. You structured it so incredibly. I honestly can't pick out my favorite lines. The whole thing was just. Wow. Keep it up & thank you for entering. I hope everything is going okay for you♥
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i love this...the best poetry comes right from what you've felt or experienced. it's more than evident here. amazing write and sending tons of hugs your way
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I feel for you. I have been raped several times but not because of being drunk. This touched me deep. I loved it. Amazing job and best of luck in the contest
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I'm sorry beyond words that this happened to you and even though you said besides the reassurances, it really isn't your fault, perhaps maybe you still feel at fault because you were drinking and you blame yourself for that.
I don't know.
But those numbers are interesting part, I know it may sound corny, but perhaps they were there as like a comfort thing, or a some sign of strength to hold on.
Sorry I know it's corny don't mind me.
But nonetheless, you're obviously strong spirited to be able to tell your story so soon.
Love and Light to you.
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It was never your fault, and for twenty four years I have blamed myself also. I know how you feel and know your pain. I am around if you ever need anyone to talk to.
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Words never truely express how sorry one is to read something like this and know it has happened to someone... so I shall simply say... I know your pain and my heart goes out to you!
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I am so sorry that this has happened to you, I hope you are dealing with this and go on with your life. It's wasn't your fault, even if you exercised poor judgement...the perp is the one who crossed the line.
This poem was probably some sort of catharsis for you, probably best kept in your journal..now I'm not speaking against the subject matter, but I think the way it is written about isn't particularly poetic. Sorry... but I do thank your for entering. -
wow...... great write although so sad..... everyone in these times does something.. your numbers got you threw it as i had other things to get me threw... if you need to know what it was go to my page and read my poem her life... it should be one of the top ones. as for thinking its yur fault i know that feeling all to well i too have been drunk at partys and someone haveing sex withme with out my permission but because of my past i let them... anyway... i cant tell you not to blame your self when i blame me all the time... great write here and thank you for sharing ur heart... keep on penning cause im a gonna keep on reading.. as long as i have eyes to see.....s u
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it wasn't your fault. it just wasn't your fault.
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Woah! I dont even know where to begin. The whole thing was great. I like the flow and imagery. Lovely! Thanks for entering and good luck!
[REMEMBER: NO EPICS]
+ Jackie -
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I didn't really consider it an epic cause all the lines were short, and it didn't take that long to read the whole thing.
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Once again IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You were passed out. How could you have done anything. Just because you got drunk it doesn't mean you gave someone permission to do this to you. You are a wonderful writer and never deserved this.
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