Wrought in flame, and spirit,
Our lives wheeled through the dark spaces
Beneath the stars,
And between the columns
That stretched,
Into the shadows, farther
Than we could see.
Wrought in wish, and whim,
We tried to dream that we could fly-
As if a dream could burn
Itself upon the eye-
And burn we did,
Till we saw wings;
Freedom, in chains-
Feathers, in all things.
And in every breeze was the reminder,
And in every song,
A draft;
To catch beneath us,
Allow us to rise-
To pass through clouds
And laugh.
And even if you cry like rain,
The world is left unchanged.
***
Sing in the tumult!
Burn in the rain!
Thunder in the silence!
(for your words are not in vain)
I hear them rising,
Even in the wind that screams-
And they say
“We are alive.
And we, too, have dreams.”
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is absolutely amazing. the style of the poem is perfect for the subject. the use of language is beautiful, this is now one of my favorite poems. i love the ending, those last few lines are perfect.
"Wrought in wish, and whim,
We tried to dream that we could fly-
As if a dream could burn
Itself upon the eye"
my favorite stanza.
i will definitly have to read more from you. -
Line 5-6 The break sounds weird, try:
that streached into the shadows
farther then we could see
Line 11 No hyphen, sounds weird
Line 30 Too long, try at our weakest moment-
Line 32 Don't repeat will, try rise, conqure, fight
Line 34 Give in is more colloquial then the rest, try something more like, in the end, to submit
My current favorite of yours, amazing imagry but its all about the flow, don't make me pause or re-read
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So I rememberr saying I'd look at your poems, and I'm really glad I did, because this is pretty much incredible
I really like the uniqueness of format in this poem, and the message it sends across. Everything about this poem was beautiful and amazing. I really liked how you ended it with “We are alive.
And we, too, have dreams.” It's a definite closure and there's a lot of meaning in those few lines.
<3
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"Allow us to rise" asks permission-hardly a defiant stance. Somehow, I feel that you title is not exactly the character of this fine piece. Between the supportive updraft and the "muster" of will, there is a statement of self realization. I believe that is the heart of the poem, and what is so admirable about the couple.
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amazing. i love the positive tone of this, and the structure was beautiful.
Wrought in wish, and whim,
We tried to dream that we could fly-
As if a dream could burn
Itself upon the eye-
my favorite stanza. so, so good. i think i'll return the favor and add you as a favorite.
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I applaud your work and would never have guessed your age had you not disclosed it on your homepage. I often think I shouldn't reveal that I am 48 and leave the readers to draw conclusions from that. Perhaps the same would apply to such an eloquent writer as yourself. I was looking for something far more youthful when I clicked, yet this is mature in direction and reflection. Perhaps your life has led you to a place where this brand of inflection and verse is normal for you? It has the Icarus feel and is almost like a liner note to the story for me. Defy, is youthful, I'll concede. Resignation tends to come with age. I'm glad we crossed paths. Perhaps we will meet again. You are a worthy compadre to have. RC
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I really enjoyed this ~ I think you have written this beautifully ~ thank you for sharing and commenting on An Everlasting Theater
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this is excellent! i love the line "freedom, in chains" it's a short line, but the condtradictory feel of it makes it catching and makes you have to stop and think halfway through. it doens't really sound akward anywhere, and overall is beautiful! i love the bit at the end that is different from the rest. it's a nice switch and very powerful!
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this is really beautiful
i love the sese of hope in it
well done
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