Looking back on the past,
I've made a lot of mistakes,
But there's one thing I know,
I failed to do wrong.
I took her hand and watched,
As the storm outside raged,
Like a war of the Titans,
Clashing above our heads.
I chose happiness,
Without regrets,
And followed her map,
Like a sea-faring gent.
I watched as crimson raindrops,
Fell from the gray skies,
And let the sparks fly,
Burning our souls in the night.
And as the battles were won,
I convinced myself,
That no matter the outcome,
My family's love would shadow their doubt.
But as the lightning ceased,
And the raindrops dried,
We were alone on the shore,
Watching them float with the tide.
The titans were shaken,
Raddled by the silence,
No longer spearing at eachother,
While their hatred raged.
The Quiet stole away all sounds,
And traveled into the night,
Carrying with it,
The words left unsaid.
Yet I sat astonished,
Amused, and Amazed,
At how Allusive our love,
Had now become.
We back stabbed and lied,
Till we got to the top,
Where we sat on Olympus,
And laughed it all off.
But each of us knew,
We were crying inside,
At the misery it had taken,
To bring us together.
In our hearts we sobbed,
Those sweet crimson raindrops,
That were swept long away,
Taken by the tide.
When we looked at one another,
We saw that bloody trail of destruction,
That had lead us so deep,
Into a disturbing dementia.
In eachother though,
We also found peace,
A strange serenity,
That was ours to keep.
And so we looked around,
For any scent of familiarity,
But those cursed raindrops had rinsed away,
Our whole world and beloved memories.
Now we wander this shoreline,
In search of remnants of what was,
That lie just pieces of a puzzle,
Much greater than ours.
And standing below our newfound temple,
Olympus stares at us towering above,
A symbol of our triumphs,
While we stand hand in hand.
Yes, we have braved the furies,
Of the wicked storms,
Climbed rigid stones,
And fallen down.
Each time though,
We rise above,
Ready for the next obstacle,
Though we are beaten and sore.
We are Vesuvious in all it's flaming glory,
Relentless to the night,
Unleashing our crimson raindrops,
To corrupt and conquer all.
We have made it this far,
I know this as true,
But with her by my side,
Our love can carry me out beyond the stars.
No longer am I,
Left to wander at sea,
Searching for a lighthouse,
That calls faithfully.
I have found the low tide,
As she stands on the shore,
Surrounded by a beautiful light,
Shining bright, like the Earth's core.
I have reached solid ground,
Intrigueingly solemn,
Moving aimlessly,
Without a sound.
I have now been relinquished,
Of the silence that kept me,
But I speak only muffled words,
Afraid of where they may get me.
Following the wilted rose petals,
That scatter before me,
I still know not,
Why the wind does not sway them.
Maybe it is a sign,
Of an unwavering trust,
Or maybe an omen,
That envelops my mind.
Whatever it symbolizes,
I shall follow it's path,
Like a humbled dog,
To its masters shrill call.
And forever I shall remain,
With her as my wind,
That lifts my wings to the heavens,
So, I too, may see the true beauty,
Of the crimson raindrops that shower our love...
Author notes
I don't really get it. PLEASE. ANY CRITISM IS WELCOMED.
A contest entry
- (= Prewrites!!!!! ENTER NOW!!!!!!!!! =) by xCandieKissesx.
525 points, ended May 19, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme Some Love!!! by Breaking Inside.
392 points, ended May 16, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want to be READ? ENTER HERE! by Avatar of Innocence.
525 points, ended September 7, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So.... What'd ya think?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Confusing but good!
This poem is quite good, but incredibly long. I ended up reading a bit, wait... reading some more, wait... and you get the point. The line 'That lifts my wings to the heavens' is quite emotional. Because it made me cry. So it's emotional, 'cos I hardly ever cry.
It IS long. I would've split it into two or three poems, like Crimson Raindrops Part One but then again if you are entering it in a contest I can't blame you.
I can't find anything that may need rephrasing, and I can't suggest anything else the poem could include. I think it is a literary treasure and should get at LEAST silver in any contest! But I see other people think differently, but that is no matter because we all have different opinions.
I like the way you use hypothetical sentences to improve, like 'Yes, we have braved the furies,
Of the wicked storms,
Climbed rigid stones,
And fallen down.'
rather than just 'We fought some battles and lost half of 'em. Okay?'
I can only give it one applause 'cos I'm trying to save my points so I can start a contest but it is worthy of five stars.
AnnAda666
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This was awesome, the imaginary is so vivid and the whole thing was aamzing like and epic poem but not epic. I like how you resymboled yourself and your family as the Titans and your trumpith as the Olympic mountain. Beautiful, just purely beautiful!!
I loved so many lines to point them out and lots of stanzas to tell you which, so long but so breath taking and attention absorbing.
~Noor
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This is two poems in one.....and I too....regularly
have to fight the urge to not let any of my words
disappear or escape..
but air...is important...to make imagery and point!
This is a great free-write...that you will need
to invest the cramps of stomach and heart...to
sculpt it down into verse of tenderly written
lines.
Try 4 lines...no more then 6 paragraphs!
merging ...and editing out "like"
and repetetive points.
we must be allowed to make our own assumptions,
and not have every feeling or imagery described.
pick out the imagery and points you want
FIRST FOCUS...
no more then SIX!
or we drown in the SEA of TOO MucH!
I have to learn this painfully too...
we all do!
well done!
much depth to your heart and soul!
mighty ink and pen you feast upon us!
now....do the word I hate
EDIT IT DOWN...
two poems if necessary!
ears/SEattle
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Thanks for entering my contest and being patient with me.
The poem's title really didn't help the poem, and though the premise of this poem was great, it didn't help itself convey the powerful message: "I failed to do wrong." in the theme of resurrection and cleansing. Another word for crimson would help: sanguine (which also means happiness or good humor), carnelian, roseate, etc.
The fourth stanza, is not very necessary, and if you are going to describe a scene, please use better imagery.
Ninth stanza: did you mean illusive or allusive, really?
This reminds me the myth of Amphytrion and his wife, and the flooding of the world with Zeus and Hermes. -
This is a great poem. It shows that you would do anything to get to the one you love and care about. It also shows that it took a while for you to find the one you wanted to be with and that your blood drops were the rain when something bad happend. GREAT poem I liked it a lot. Keep the great writeing up!!!!
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Love? or war?
it was a very intersting pice it showed a side of love that no one wants to talk about. at times and im not posetive where the flow seamed a little off, and your story was a little mixed up but otherwise it was fantastic
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I love the lines "Now we wander this shoreline/In search of remnants of what as/That lie just pieces of a puzzle/Much greater than ours. You might want to change climbed "ridgid" stones to "rigid", probably just a typo, but "ridgid" is not a word. Also in the last stanza change "my" to "may", So, I too, may see the true beauty/Of the crimsonn raindrops that shower our love" I also really like the last stanza, It was such a beautiful ending. Your imagery and metaphors were used amazingly. You are truly a great poet. Thanks for sharing.
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Wow you have an writing skill that shows great imagery I especially loved these parts"In our hearts we sobbed,Those sweet crimson raindrops,That were swept long away,Taken by the tide." and "When we looked at one another,We saw that bloody trail of destruction,That had lead us so deep,Into a disturbing dementia.".This poem is loaded with great feelings,metaphor and amazing talent.
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wow, this is very imaginative. a little hard to understand, but good all the same, can you tell me what its about?
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Wow! What emotion and power! My favourite line was;
And forever I shall remain,
With her as my wind,
That lifts my wings to the heavens,
So, I too, my see the true beauty,
Of the crimson raindrops that shower our love...
So much expressed in these few lines. Nice use of metaphor. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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