Lived it With You

tears streamed down my face
as the machine stopped beeping
their was a loud wail of pain
all of us weeping
and I wanted to hold you
lie beside you as you held me
and I wondered on how surreal
this life suddenly seemed to be
your heart beat stopped
your life officially no more
and I wanted to jump the nurse
as she stood in the door
why hadn't she saved you
but what more could she do
it had been 6 days time
since you'd really been you
maybe even more
as I begin to reflect
the task a little hard
as I am still an emotional wreck
sometimes I wish I had known
you when you were young
when grandma disliked mommy
cus she took better care of her son
than she ever could have begun to do
I shed tears
because I wish I could have gone through life
with you
Seen the girls you had over east
As you dated my mother on the west
Saw your face as your girl took
her pregnancy test
how did you feel when she miscarried
the first relief of burden
or over shadowing hurt
the parties and the dances thrown
by the fabulous five
my god father stepping with you
pimpin’ by your side
the birth of my sister
your first living child
the first nephew from your brother
me coming along in awhile
they say you were under the influence
since the age of eleven
how did it feel escaping real hell
for induced heaven
and I wish I would have seen
some of the choices that you made
it would make many more
easier for me
and it might seem insane
as I look deep in side
but I feel like I should have saved you
why did you have to die
if I lived beside you
those fifty one years
I swear I would have stopped your pain
And relieved your fears
But instead I was put here in the middle
And I feel jipped of all the things we
Never got to do
And I swear I’ll be a daddy’s girl
Until the day that I die
Though for some reason I can longer seem to cry


JayLynn
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