Do you not hear the cries of the wounded heart,
as arrows of treachery pierce it ?
Wretchedness causing delay
in achieving true happiness.
Such a calamity is life
in the absence of love,
tossed about in a sea of uncertainty.
The valiant hearts of man
seems to have lost all merit,
benevolence has become overshadowed
by clouds of willful malice.
Pangs of remorse flood minds
filled with ceaseless troubles
as sleep becomes elusive ,
almost forgotten
shuffled about beneath the weight
of mortalities endless coil
Author notes
*Word bank from "Hamlet's Soliloquy" by William Shakespeare* arrows, sea, troubles, sleep, shuffled, coil, calamity, pangs, delay, merit
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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this is really nice....it is really powerful and emeotional...
i like it alot!
keep writing
keep smiling
keep the peace!!
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I love this poem as well. The way it was written was simply stunning, and the flow was perfect. This was amazing! It makes one really think. Great write!
~W.W~
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I love the format of this poem. Really well done. The flow of the poem is amazing as well. Your word choice is exquisite, and overall this is an outstanding piece of writing.
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Oh wow, i love the setup of this poem, the background is beautiful aswell as teh picture. I love how the poem refrences pain then comfort and again, shows true emotion and great comparison. And i love your use of the word elusive.(not too often seen) All in all, a beautiful poem
. Rewarded 6
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Thank you much for your wonderful comment. I am glad that you found it enjoyable. ~Bret~
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Life without love is empty...life with love can also be empty...taking ones time finding the right love is important...so being alone is good for now...lovely words, thanks for sharing
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Yes , I could not agree more. Both Life and Love can be very complicated things. Thank you for taking the time to read. ~Bret~
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well done
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Beautiful words. You put together a nice piece here and you should be proud. The flow was good as well as the word choices. Hope you did well in the contest. Pen on...
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you much, I am glad that you liked it. It is a shame to have to say, that the English language of today, also seems to have lost the beauty and grandeur that it once possessed . this is my small attempt to bring a bit of what it once was back. ~Bret~
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Wow, this was truly well written. I am glad I chose to read this today. Thank you for writing a wonderful poem. Keep on writing, until you can't no more!
xXDCXx
~Make Peace, Not War~
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Thank you for such an encouraging comment. I am glad that you enjoyed this ~Bret~
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Tears of children
wash away
folly of parents
slowly
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Yes, ever so slowly. Thank you much ~Bret~
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That was impressive
Tough prompt you had to face too!
Well written, the flow was perfection, and I felt
this was masterfully written poem!
ears/Seattle way to feast our souls!
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This is actually one of my favorite pieces I have written,
I love the words of old, language seems such a bore as it is spoken nowadays, all of the beauty seems to have drained from it, leaving just an empty shell of words behind. ~Bret~
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Smartly written and what a feast
of lovely dark imagery to enjoy that boldly exposes
the vulnerabilities and consequences we face!
You write with great depth of soul, and fearless swords
of truth!
way to write, and expose so vividly!
ears2hearyou
Seattle
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Your kind and encouraging words are much appreciated, Thank you much for taking the time to read ~Bret~
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Hmmmm... Well done, I like your style also...
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I thank you, glad that you enjoyed it ~Bret~
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this is an amazing write. many people are afraid to attempt thi style of writing, i think, because as slimer so poorly stated, the majority of people ave lost touch with the beauty tht the english language can be. which is sad really. instead of thou and thus etc, we have oi and you and a great many other vulgar terms, used most obviously in the popculture of teens today.
i shall end y little rant about language now, and say, brilliant write.
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I thank you much for such an encouraging comment, I am glad that you enjoyed this piece ~Bret~
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powerful write that seems to hold within it the timeless enchantment of works by the old masters. well done.
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Thank you very much, I ended up with a wonderful word bank
~Bret~
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Awesome!!!
A wonderful description of our humanity... Best of luck in this contest, you have a winner here!!! Peace, Cyn
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you very much dear Lady ~Bret~
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Hi there,
I'm not sure if you are interested in structural critique on the poem, but I noticed a couple things. My first pseudo-critique would be that reading a centered poem is just so annoying. And yes, this is very much a personal (and biased) opinion, (as is anything in this comment!) but it's based both on reading a lot of poetry and on what editors prefer when you send in poems for potential publications. Centered poems may look more "poetic" but many readers get irritated by the format and that negatively affects the read.
The second bit if your use of archaic language at the beginning - something that is clearly a deliberate decision on the poem's part. The problem I see with this use is that it doesn't quite follow up past the second line. If one is going to use older-style language, it should appear throughout the whole piece (example, if you use "dost" you should also use "hath", etc). Furthermore, there should be a focus on using proper grammar (Example, second sentence is a fragment, etc).
Otherwise the poem risks coming across as pretentious. Looking back on my critique and what I have written so far, it does sound as if I'm saying "rawr bad bad poem rawr" but this piece has tons of things going for it. (Which is why I decided to comment, actually).
I enjoy the sound of it as I read it aloud and that it is a great tribute to Shakespeare. It was nice to see.
I'm going to leave off now, but I'm glad I had a chance to read this piece; it was a pleasure. Good luck writing, and if you have any questions about my opinions here, please, just sent me a message.
Best,
Nocturne
. Rewarded 8
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if one shall think that thou speakest in manner unbeknownst...
they have not delved into the maze of poetry of Yeats, Sir William, Keats...
I was most taken by the line as "sleep becomes elusive".....
yes, but then when it does come, one can dream upon that which makes us.
Well done -
Not sure what the previous commentor means, you only used "Fluent Foresoothe" in like the first few lines, the rest was straight writing, improve your vocabulary, Slimer.
I think you did a good job, good luck in the contest. -
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Thank you much, and yes as I read his comment "nobody has ever talked like that" I had to laugh to myself, thinking, I speak in this way quite often ~Bret~
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ehh I'm not really into shakespeare. Maybe try using that wordbank without that style of language... nobody has ever talked like that.
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Honor is lost on a man who will not use his eyes to see...no one famous said this, I did! Everyone has eyes to see what we have become or how we have destroyed the world as it once was, but we all have the ability to change it, it is a matter for the entire human race and for the next generation for we have truly stuffed it up, one can only try and make them see they can make a difference. I never give up hope, it is all the world has got left. Love, C
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Thank you much for such an in depth comment, your point of view is always enlightening ~Bret~
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man i love old poetry style. I wish the world hasn't changed so much. they were tons better than us today. just compare the type of ppl they looked up to to the ones we do. look at the characteristics they admired in a man and compare it to today. Point made.
. Rewarded 6
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I could not agree more, sadly the world of today seems to wallow in apathy, with all sense of honor lost. Thank you much for the comment ~Bret~
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This is a POWERFUL read my friend. I am in total awe. You spoke with power and strength, something I love to see in a piece. Emotion yet power packed. Well done. If this doesnt win gold I will be shocked. Worthy of it and more.
Love
Passions
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Thank you much hun, I am glad that you enjoyed it ~Bret~
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Amazing!!
I am amazed at the talent you have.
Your words are profound and the meanings are very deeply penned.
Effortlessly your words make the reader think and feel emotion.
This is beautiful!
Hugs
~Lisa~
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Thank you kindly, I am gladdened by your comment, one can only hope, that a readers mind is compelled to go beyond the mere words written, to seek the meaning that lies behind them. I am glad that you enjoyed this. ~Bret~
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Beautiful hun..
Your words just seem to flow
From your soul..
This was so beautiful and soft for some reason..
Wonderfully written hun.. Best of luck..
*hugs*
Angel
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Thank you very much, this one just seemed to flow out of me effortlessly , quite surprising since I have been dealing with a block for a few days ~Bret~
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arrows, sea, troubles, sleep, shuffled, coil, calamity, pangs, delay, merit. from "Hamlet's Soliloquy" by William Shakespeare.
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Should the resulting poem, still carry the name of the page number ?
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Ah, a wonderful bank to work with, thank you
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