Henry loved his sticky toffee,
treacle pudding, cream banoffee.
Chocolate running down his chin;
he’d grab still more and cram it in.
His cheeks would bulge with so much food;
to say “no thanks” he thought was rude.
His parents seemed to think him thin;
to offer fruit they thought a sin.
“Come on now son, eat up your cake;
a fine young man, one day you’ll make”.
So with pork pies he’d saved for later
Henry took the elevator.
Stepping on, feet side by side;
young Henry thought he’d take a ride.
The elevator didn’t budge
and folks behind gave him a nudge.
“You’ll have to walk” the people shouted.
“You’re far too fat”. Poor Henry pouted!
Alas it didn’t stop him eating;
bad habits Henry kept repeating.
One day when going into church
young Henry felt his tummy lurch,
and as the choir ‘Rejoicing’ sang
Poor Henry’s tummy went off bang.
Just as they reached the highest note
they recognised poor Henry’s coat.
Floating down from realms above;
as if from angels, sent with love.
“It’s still like new” said Henry’s Dad,
“we’ll keep it for our other lad”
The Vicar looked in sad despair
at bits of Henry everywhere,
feeling quite exasperated;
his Church just newly decorated.
The Verger though, was not surprised;
said "Henry was quite over-sized".
So after cleaning up the pews
the Vicar thought this chance he’d use
said, passing round collection plate,
“Let’s think of Henry, and his fate.
Give generously” the Vicar calls.
“To help scrape Henry off the walls”
And from his pulpit, loud and grim,
a lengthy sermon does begin.
“Let’s pray for Henry, who it seems
ate far too many custard creams.
A habit Henry couldn’t stop.
Until today - he went off pop.
Now Henry sits at God’s right hand;
Dear Lord, was this what you had planned?
God's ways his servants only guess;
why did he have to leave this mess?
Though Henry was a happy soul;
we wish that he’d departed whole.
Let this sad lesson teach us all
eating too much was his downfall;
and moderation is the key
to longer lives for you and me.
God's message then with us abide
and spread like Henry: far and wide".
Author notes
picture is by me and is subject to copyright. Do not copy.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 2 Children's - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 3, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You??? by 2lullabyhaven.
550 points, ended July 17, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever You Want Just So It Rhymes by piccola.
600 points, ended August 3, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - fun contest by mitchie.
300 points, ended August 13, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Sob Of Laughter LOLOLOLOL by HugsForEveryone.
600 points, ended August 13, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Appreciation Day 2008 by Kimojuno.
1447 points, ended October 8, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Laugh by BehindTheShadow.
435 points, ended December 27, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh by Pollycheck.
575 points, ended January 3, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh by Lisa..
700 points, ended January 17, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Character... by stepbystep.
700 points, ended April 29, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Think you're FUNNY?....like haha FUNNY?...or FUNNY like a clown?!?!!? by AtlantisGrave.
550 points, ended May 14, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RHYME AWAYY by TheSexyOne.
690 points, ended May 29, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Funny! by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
650 points, ended June 27, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PW WELCOME!!! by The cliche typo.
400 points, ended July 14, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme My Socks Off by poets whisper.
400 points, ended August 6, 41 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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This reads very smoothly and is well sustained throughout. A persuasive moral tale about moderation reminding me of the Monty Python bit that featured a just-one-too-many-mints explosion. Well done.
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really splendid rhyme and the fact that it made me smile, while not a rule ... still it is a plus! Thank you for entering the contest.
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I found this quite hilarious
Makes me want to go on a diet
The rhyming was near perfect and it was a lighthearted subject which I do like to see
Thanks for entering and best of luck to you
xoxo. -
hahahah
laughing my head off -
I laughed so hard at this I thought I was going to join poor Henry.
This is just classic. I enjoyed it from start to finish.
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i LOVED this!
the rhyme was my favorite part of it. each stanza got better and better. D: keep up the good work! this was hilarous! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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This is an amazing poem. It's funny, serious, it ryhmes. I love it!!!!!!!!
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awesome, spontaneous combustion due to over eating...sign me up!!! This is a very original piece and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it with the rhyme and flow it has, and now I know to keep away from custard creme haha
Thanks for the entry in my contest, and good luck!!! -
this is really very funny. its an awesome write and you rhyme well.
ang
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Hilarious!!
*laughs heartily* Hilarious, very well done! Laughing at the silliness involved here, I love it! Perfect for kiddies and great for all the contests, best of luck! I particularly like the enterprising vicar fundraising to "scrape Henry off the walls" - a fresh take on the old Church Roof Fund! LOL
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hahahaha, this is AMAZING! (: it made me laugh and smile, perfect for this contest. (:
brilliant job, and best of luck! -
This is awesome!!!!! I haven't read ANYTHING like it yet. Great imagery!! And little parts of it made me giggle =) But, you definitely have a GREAT message in this piece!!! Keep it up!
<3 - Jess
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Very intriguing piece! Imagery was exceptionally vivid.
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Fun!
Had me laughing all through, at Poor Henry! Anxious to read some more of your poems!! -
this was realllyy really funny in a subtle way ...great tale with excellent moral .....over eating is a sin and takn far too lightly theses days ...you portrayed that very well........
i just disagree with the second to last stanza .;..
"Now Henry sits at God’s right hand;
Dear Lord, was this what you had planned?"
as a christian....i now that jesus Christ is the only one on God's right side...and God doesnt preordain how some one dies....so its just a little touchy for me .....(although it is creativity just thought i'd mention it...)
but over all nice piece -
wow realy good keep up the good luck
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Oh my!
Thank you for such a humorous tale with a moral
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A delightfully told cautionary tale! Beautifully rhymed and nicely metered. Enjoyable, and great tasty treats described! What an invitation to the congregation, "Give generously" the Vicar calls/"To help scrape Henry off the walls!"
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A very humorous write but with a very good message as well. I might have benifited from this had I read it prior to Thanksgiving...lol but, unlike Henry, I learned my lesson at Thanksgiving feast so I didn't repeat the folly for the Christmas feast No elevators for me!
Wonderfully light-hearted write.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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Thank you for entering my contest. This was very innovative and cleaverly written. It definitely put a smile on my face.
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Wonderfully written!
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Full of great BELLY laughs!
Terrific writing.
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An adorable pen indeed with a very good moral gently told- lololol I love this!
You are a great story teller in delightful rhyme
on line 54 perhaps 'wished'
Let the ink flow!
blessings,
Sandi
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The last two lines just busted me up. A triple meaning there, I think! A very cute poem, with a good message to boot!
"God's way’s his servants only guess;" --"way's" should be "ways"
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I like how you explained him breaking through to pieces..i think its adorable!!!
i also like how you prtrayed the vicar to be a monster and how he dusnt care about henry but only about how his newly decord church is in a mush!..hehehehehe,...
nice nice!!!! =P
..."and spread like Henry: far and wide".
<--- RIOT!!!
good work poet..
godd uck in the contest....one of my favs!!
*WInk*
~Anagha-Nataraj
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I love the humor in this, and the ending which shows the message you are trying to convey. Please keep up the writing, and never let your poetry burst like Henry.
Jeff.
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This is hilarious! Cool lesson woven in there, lol. The rhyme and rhythm is great too. Poor Vicar-- and the church just newly decorated! And then "To help scrape poor Henry off the walls"-- this is ridiculous and funny! It was quite an enjoyable read. Thank you! I'm surprised you didn't win more for this piece (although you already have quite a large collection), but I bet you will!
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great write lol
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well, just change my name to Henry and push the lift button for me. I can't raise my own arms! Good lesson here about feeding our children. thank you for the entry
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LOL!
Another poor morbidly obese person goes bang. I recall the same thing happened to Matilda P. McCuddy who worked down at the zoo. It's terrible the way these things happen!
Excellent poem--good message (though it's hitting sort of close to home)--and very entertaining. Wishing you the best wherever you are!
JIM
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This is a fabulous piece, from beginning to end. The rhyming is great, the story is hilarious, the ending is awesome, and you were even able to slip in a great message. One of the most enjoyable pieces I have read in a very long time. I'm surprised it did not place higher in the contests its been in. While I usually don't have the patience for poems that are much more than 30 lines, I rode the rhymes from line to line with pleasure.
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Such a marvellous poem - it is very witty and well written. Just one point where I felt it went off rhythm slightly was the line "Henry's tummy went off bang". It just didn't scan right for me. That said, this is one of the funniest poems I have ever read - well done indeed!
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Poor, poor Henry; thanks for poetically sharing his story lol
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Hahahahaha. Very good. I held a contest a few months back in which I invited people to write like Roald Dahl. This would have gained a trophy for sure! A wonderful story, dark in places and rather educational in others... I loved these lines:
“It’s still like new” said Henry’s Dad,
“we’ll keep it for our other lad”
Hahahahaha! His son has just exploded, but on the bright side... the coat was intact! Excellent humour, in my opinion.
As well as appreciating the blatant moral to end, I also found the end line pun to be witty and amusing. Very nicely done.
David. x
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I normally do not laugh when I read some funny poem. This one did make me laugh especially the following lines:
"To say 'No, thanks' he thought was rude".
"Eating too much was his downfall"
"God's message then with us abide
and spread like Henry: far and wide".
Your description of Henry is magnificent.
I think the poem would be equally enjoyed by young and old.
Rahi
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sooo cute
this poem is cute and funny and teaches a lesson. i love the use of rhyme. at first i thought that the demise of a child to make a point was quite curle then i relized that as this was pointed to children you need to give them refreance they could asocciate with. -
Quite adorable, and made me laugh....but with a great message...excellent combination!
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This here judge adores banoffee
Or anything with sticky toffee
The poem is a little gem
and so it got a green HM!
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just call it poor willie this made me so hungry what a great job and please send me some custard creams it also made me laugh out loud and for me that is hard to do
love the rev papa
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Hilarious.Poor old Henry.Reminded me a bit of albert and the Lion.Who says mum always knows best eh! good luck in the contest, Ros
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Outstanding
This poem had me in stitches! This is not only funny but has a nice moral and I loved the concept of poor Henry all over the walls in the church. This is the kind of poem children should be reading. Best of luck in the contest
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I would hate to be the poet who stands against you in this contest The two entries of your are excellent. Wonderful rhyme, flow, meter and subject matter A sheer joy to have read them The very best in the contest
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Oh, this is a great way to get your message across! I had an aunt and uncle who treated their poor children the same way, encouraging gluttony. All four are dead and gone, though none exploded. LOL. I just love this. I kept up with the rhyming scheme which was great. Bravo! Shancy.
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A brilliant, funny and salutary tale, which should be required reading for all our overweight citizens!
Bill
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