Breeeeeeeatheeeeeeeeee
tilt a whirl! blue and orange!
wrapped around cranial space like spiritual saran wrap
broken couches, spider legs creeping up like fear
black ovals
souls leaking out of faces
numbness, freedom from pain? freedom from pleasure!
capital Es.
A contest entry
- Salvia by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended June 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very interesting images. Definitely sounds like a trip
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Indeed a flood of images! I don't care for the presentation of the first line..to me it reads breathee. I'm not sure about the last line...although extacy is not something I've experienced, I can't help but associate it. I like the images of the 'spiritual saran wrap' and the "souls leaking out of faces"
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This is appropriately stream of consciousness, the way it seques from saran wrip to broken couches to spider legs to leaking souls.
Does the E refer to ecstasy? Maybe I shouldn't try to pine it down. A very expressive write.
jjj
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No, not ecstasy. I'll leave it to you to decide what it means, I just replied cause I didn't want people thinking it was about ecstasy.
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I cannot relate to this poem ...
but what I can say is: you wrote with vibrant zest -- if you will forgive me the tautology!
Souls leaking out of faces? Brilliant phrase.
Good luck in the contest. And: thank you for reading my work.
Myra
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