Above the carnal visage of materialistic pleasure,
we roll, distant thunder, on the wisp of a platonic movement.
Our whispers collide midpoint, teasing the edges of each word.
Our dialogue rousing the electric charge between an intellectual climax,
pieces of our passion creep, closing in the space between our heat.
Velvet plays your melodic fervency down my breathless form,
we exhale, a hurricane to break down barriers.
The dawning of devotion shines upon our sudoriferous countances,
removing a veil over sinful eyes so that we may see through each other.
A contest entry
- the language of intercourse and outercourse by Nicolette.
4500 points, ended June 1, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Give me your BEST Prewrites~ by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Thank you for your entry & good luck!
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I agree with my co-judge that this piece leans toward intellectual intercourse, perhaps a discourse/dialogue rather, although it does have elements of passion and devotion embedded within.
I’ve also found in this a sense of spirituality that goes beyond the carnal; in that sense the poem does adhere to the contest requirements. I really liked the last line “so that we may see through each other” and the many ways of interpretation it allows the reader.
An interesting take on the contest prompt – thank you for the entry.
~ Nicolette
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firstly...love the title.
i read this piece as an intellectual take of the prompt, and perhaps a little too much so. not a whole lot of emotion invested in this work.
i think the piece could use a little trimming...the shift from 'breathless' to 'exhale' three words later bothers me somewhat. lol.
but all in all, not a bad write
thanks for the entry
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