dream sequence

last night I slept and dreamt
              as if I had never walked that particular stretch of beach before
    with sun beating down on my outstretched shoulders

that opened                    wide

    to take in blue sky and white clouds
blue waters and white crested waves

      that save themselves for rocky shores
imbedded with clamshell secrets and puddles full of forgotten fish
who wish they part of the sea like you and me

I wonder if we have forgotten to breathe
with gills on our lungs that filter out the dead breaths of trees and the sea breeze
full of salt to bathe our wounds in
absolve our sins from outside to within
beneath our souls where dust collects
waiting for a spring cleaning that never begins

waiting for a warm sunbeam that never comes
and I shun the idea that we are not yet begun to live and love

like two whales who find each other after years of following the sound of the other’s song

amidst a sea of fish who try to hide in our open mouths
from sharks with smiles full of sharpened teeth
with a different name etched into the enamel of each tooth
a chain of hearts that will be broken as often as those teeth come loose and drift
to the ocean’s sandy floor


in this dream that I’ve never dreamt before
I see seven great birds with faceless heads that resemble me
fifty foot wings spread wide to block out the sky

but I do not notice
because the sky is etched into their wings

they take flight and the sight fills me
with immense happiness and sadness
because behind them on their tails rides death’s kiss

but also the promise of rebirth
like a phoenix risen from still smoking ashes
finer
grander
and far more beautiful than they were before

because death is the sand we use to scour our skin
of the sins that gathers beneath our souls like dust




the sun is out now
I’m smiling now
        and I feel like I know now the meaning of happiness
which is only real when shared

because when I woke from that sleep I saw that the window was open
and a breeze blew through smelling and tasting of salt


suddenly I saw a face in front of me
her face
with amethyst eyes and sunshine hair

a voice whispered in my ear that she was somewhere out there
and I would find her
not today but someday

now I see her every day

under the disguise of strangers passing me by
as I walk from home to work then to the bar
because it’s Friday night and we go out Friday nights to the place around the corner

I meet her there every Friday night
she’s wearing someone else’s skin

I say I’ve seen you before and she giggles
thinking it’s just another pickup line

but it isn’t

because I have seen her
I saw her that cold Monday morning
when I woke up and tasted the sea breeze

now I see her every Friday night

after we get drunk
go back to her place or my place
shut off the lights and she starts moaning and asks me
if I could yell her name          just a few times

but I don’t know her name

so I ask her if she could yell mine
but she doesn’t know mine

and there we are stuck in an awkward silence
until I say that’s ok
you can just call me thanatos
son of nyx and erebos

because I am full of death and suffering
I am full of life and happiness
I am the antithesis of everything and nothing

so scream out my name

as if we were giving birth to planets gods and divine beings
and not just fucking

because every day we die and are reborn
as the dead breaths of trees flow through us
on waves of blood in our veins

and our souls walk the shores of our hearts
stirring up the dust of forgotten broken hearts
lost shark’s teeth
and the ashes of our past lives