“No, no! It cant be! where is!” She turns
In the moments of motionless breaking,
the tears are shedding,
slipping through
shock falling slow
turning to glass
entranced dancing
shattered dress among the fallen petals
blossomed and forgotten
now rippling the reflection so clear
she, she, remembers!She does! She does! Re-remember!
Exasperation with quivering lips,
rhythm the silence
Strangling butterflies
Overwhelmed igniting convulsion
she's on the brink of fainting
Setting fear into the veins
Thirst for comprehension
Lost and intoxicated in the delicious aroma of change
Dehydration for so long He wandered for her affection
For so long her a tender petal tumbling into His arms
The ocean sky, its vast embrace: her eyes had forgotten Him,
Lost in her depths beginning anew
Remembrance of souls intertwined romance
“How-how could I have for-gotten?” Soft suffering angelic tones quivered questioning
As she met Him again in human flesh
her the extension He lost only in rumors of pages and pages in history
we- we could be again, we could go! And never stop! Those eyes I never want to lose again. Never fall from me again! My light! My one, My heart. Oh my human heart.
He spoke extending human hands quivering in emotion but with a spiritual embrace
“Hey… lets go ”
He smiled with simple words
euphoria of happiness consuming them both
They took steps forward and never stopped
Author notes
[ My love where did you go? ]
inspired by an elaborate contest that i loved very much
A contest entry
- A Wordplay Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
600 points, ended June 9, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love by Ethereal Bard.
316 points, ended May 25, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything!!!! by Falcon SilverWolf.
450 points, ended June 6, 2008, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Party by Blooming Poet.
425 points, ended July 23, 2008, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
thoughts? suggestions?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Once again not much I can say in the department of making this poem any better, this poem rocks. very elaborate also.
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"Love".
Ummm...I couldn't make sense of this at all. I'm guessing the dialogue and italics were meant to seem "realistic", but I've seen far better.
Also, it's great that you have a strong vocabulary, but most of those big words you used weren't needed in this and, to me anyway, mostly clogged the poem up with unnecessary syllables.
I'd suggest streamlining this with words meant to strengthen the emotion and imagery you were going for, but without the extra verbiage. Cleaning up the grammar wouldn't hurt, either. -
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All true... Better than some of the stuff we got. And it made me laugh.
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Love? That's the one that makes the most sense.
You chose the hardest word. And the one we vowed to be hardest on. I, however, believe this was rather good. A little bit of editing could be in order, but that holds true for even the greatest of works.
Excellent job. -
intersting write . . liked "Remembrance of souls intertwined romance" and "He smiled with simple words" . . well done . . congrats on the gold
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i hate to say this is more like a short story than a poem though i very much loved it still. it is unique in its own right. i like the idea and the thought behind it. I also like your use of grammer to enphasize things.
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hmm i mean this is a story of love with poetic flow
curious what parts remind you of it being a story and how
is it because it is not broken in stanzas or..... -
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i wasnt trying to be mean dear i wwas just expressing my honest opinion of the poem. i liked it very much i wasnt trying to be rude please forgive me
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in fact its more like a story to me too but i was just curious how you personally saw it
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oh its not that its just that i wanted to know more about your opinion so i could learn and understand i wasn't insulted at all
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well the first thing i saw that gave me that opinion would have to be the talking within the poem "blah" usually within a poem im not saying you have to but usually it is marked by only one like this 'blah' it seperates it more from short story to poem. i really did enjoy it though you give the poem a unique view which keeps the readers attention. but also im not trying to be rude by this but when you write a poem like this that has more of a story to it. using more punctuation and gramatical rles would help the reader know where to pause or where it is ment to be emphasized.
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very good very good i like it
i appluad you -
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thank you! ^-^
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