Holiday Tears

my mother found a Christmas card
given to her by my father
in it he thanked her for her strength
and told her that he loved her
he was glad for all the years
that she had stayed by his side
and as she read I could see
the tears forming in her eyes
she couldn't remember the year
that he had given her the card
and reading it myself
i can see how it was quite hard
since this is the first christmas
he won't be here
and it's hard to get used to
in less than a year
we have made plans
for what we will do on Christmas day
which is not utterly unusual
because in the house he'd always stay
but little things are odd
like knowing what we won't need to do
no shopping for gifts for Christmas
for those who aren't with you
and because last Christmas
was to be his last
my sister has now
become temporarily obsessed
with making this Christmas
turn out to be
the best holiday for
everyone but me
and the reason for that
lies in one simple phrase
I can't stand holidays
because I can remember the days
when our family getting together
was all laughter and fun
and then there were the years
when almost everyone
had issues and reasons
they could not come around
so now as soon as November hits
my mood spirals down
and now to add to it all
my daddy is not here
and suddenly they are concerned
about reinstating holiday cheer
and my heart more than aches
as I remember his face
the day he told me he was tired
and if you tell me Santa can bring me
what I really want
you are more than
just a liar
and I have done the customary shopping
and said all the right things
to make sure that Dec. 25th
this year will bring
my sister a smile
and my mother some relief
but all I really wish
is that my daddy were with me

JayLynn
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