I wonder what heaven would be
Like once we get there
Will it be mountains or will
It be outer space
Will it be a place where
Everyone will be happy
Will everybody be loved
I hope I get to heaven
And I hope you get to
heaven too
Once we all get to heaven
We will rejoice and be
Joined again
No more war,
no more Hatred,
no more fighting
No more hitting,
no more kicking
Everyone will just
Be happy and joyful
And never have a
Reason to be sad
And if a loved one
Ever dies always
Remember they are
In a good place if they
Believed in God and
You will see them
Again someday
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I agree with TexasTUK, and I'll try to explain in terms you can understand. If you're 12 and in school, you should be learning this in English classes, though I understand that not all schools will teach poetry and poetic terms like mine did.
When someone says something is cliche, he/she means that it's overdone and not quite original anymore. Anything can be cliche in poetry: an idea (heaven, suicide, etc), a phrase, a word, the format, but cliches are most often expressed in diction (that is, the words you use).
Heaven may be an inspiring and beautiful idea for people who are religious, but the way you describe it is not original or imaginative. You just state things about heaven, which is hardly inspiring at all. Imagery is defined as "descriptive language that evokes sensory experience" -- meaning, you use your words to show, and thus give, your readers the experience of your poem and, in your case, of heaven. A simple "this is my message" poem is not as effective as one that transports you there, you know?
If you didn't understand what I wrote, or if you'd like elaboration or a comment on another poem, feel free to send me a message.
-Cristina
PS: Here's a good reference on poetic devices:
http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072405228/student_view0/poetic_glossary.html -
You're very talented.
Loved this poem :] -
I wonder a lot of times what heaven and the afterlife will be like myself. I've lost a lot of family and because of that it has always made me wonder.
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no one can change who you are!
wow your great writer but sometimes things are not always as easy like that. I must say some people end up in a worse place where they have hate,war, and much more bad things only becouse they been bad. Like I bet I won't go to heaven but to this one bad place. but you never will you'll go to heaven and meet god. And when you do tell him I'm sorry and that I really do believe in hem and that I do love him ok? thanks! see ya!
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