The Evilness of Bob...

I have a fairly decent life with no great deal of stress.
Been married over twenty years and it goes well, I guess.
At least I thought it did but it turns out that I was wrong.
My life has turned to shambles since that Bob guy came along.

I'd noticed in these past few weeks she's changed her attitude.
There had to be some reason for her sudden change of mood.
She's always been the picture of a quiet, low-key wife
But now she acts like somehow there's excitement in her life!

It's not from me, I'll tell you that! I work hard for a living
And, by the time that I get home, there's not much left for giving.
I settle in the easy chair and turn on my tv
And, if she wants to socialize, I just say, "Let me be."

But these days, when I settle in to watch some tv show,
She doesn't bother me with places she would like to go.
She brings my beer and listens to the things I have to say
But I can sense her mind is somewhere many miles away.

Not only that....each month or two when we are in the sack
I'll feel her nuzzle next to me and gently stroke my back.
I know what that means! Sorry, girl. My work days are too long.
Engaging in such nonsense ain't for me. I'm not that strong!

But nowadays she never seems to pester me at all.
We go to bed, she says goodnight, then turns to face the wall.
One night, when I got up to pee, I took a little peep
And saw a big smile on her face while she lay there, asleep.

Then yesterday it fell apart. She thought she was alone
But I, arriving early, heard her talking on the phone.
She was gabbing with a friend as I began to turn the knob
Then stopped short as I heard her words, "I'm glad I that found  BOB!"

Retreating to the hallway,  I kept listening to my wife
Go on and on about how some guy BOB had changed her life!
She just went on and on and I'll tell you I nearly died
When she described how well that BOB could keep her satisfied!!!

I fought the strong temptation to confront her there and then
But knew that, if I did so, everything we had would end.
I sneaked my way out of the front door, made some noise and then
Appearing there was nothing wrong, I entered in again.

She greeted me as always, with a small kiss on the cheek
While I was burning with such anger I could barely speak.
I settled in the easy chair and turned on the tv
And hoped she wouldn't sense the hatred burn inside of me.

I mean, what can I do, my friends? Should I present the fact
That, through some little quirk of fate, I caught her in the act?
Should I now play the wounded husband by her treachery
And, if I did, is there a chance that she'd be leaving me?

Would I want that to happen? Should I take that risky chance?
Who would fix my meals then, or wash and iron my pants??
Can I just sit each night there with my beer and easy chair
Pretending that my wife's not having some sad love affair?

She's always been so careful by not leaving any clues
That she is meeting someone for some secret rendezvous.
While I'm slaving at the office, trying hard to make ends meet
Is she frolicking with BOB somewhere on dingy motel sheets?

It doesn't seem she plans to leave me. She still treats me well.
Perhaps some little fling is all she's after. Who can tell?
And BOB must not care, either, that she isn't leaving me.
She must be just a toy that he plays with occasionally.

Last night when we crawled into bed I spooned her from behind
But she said she was tired and, friends, I nearly lost my mind.
I'd NEVER been refused on those rare times I showed the need.
I knew then that her BOB was taking care of her indeed.

So that's the way it is, dear friends. I don't know what to do.
I just can't face the fact that twenty tears of bliss is through.
My world is torn asunder and I'm going to lose my wife.
I curse that BOB for all the pain he brought into my life!



EPILOGUE


When I wrote all these thoughts, my friends, I really was a mess
And was convinced my life was all a shamble, nothing less.
But something happened last night that made everything more clear
From now on I can think of BOB with smiles instead of fear.


I'd dropped some coins and saw them disappear beneath the bed.
When i bent down to pick them up, I saw a box instead.
I read the letters on it and felt my mind turn to putty.
It read, "Welcome to the world of BOB - your Battery Operated Buddy" !!!!!