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Not even a kiss goodbye




i imagine the parade on the boardwalk
two by two they promenade,
perfectly matched in the red-gold sunset

they might even be singing
or taking photos to commemorate the day

i am stunned by the knock on the door


he walks in, throws his keys on the dresser

      "i can't stay all night, 
       get a wake-up call for eleven"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • AJ Morelli gold member
    May 27, 2008

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    the sharp elbows of reality always have a way of poking at your ribs, i like the imagery used to open this and the harshness of its close


    nicely done, thanks


    al


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      May 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks...amazing contest, btw.
      Question...do you think taking away the romeo and juliet parts (lines 4,5,6)would help this?


      • AJ Morelli gold member
        May 27, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        i do, but i like the line "they might even be singing", perhaps a companion line for it to replace the R&J reference... it's a very good piece with or without


  • maggiejamespoet silver member
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Outstanding poem--images paint a quite dramatic picture--good luck in the contest!


  • Amera gold member
    May 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As always your command of imagery in free verse poetry is wonderful. This poen sinks deep into the reader's mind and stays there. Well done!

    Love,
    Amera♥


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      May 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Sweetie my original thank you to you got posted to Iggy, lol...so I hope you don't mind sharing


  • aliceramone
    May 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very well done on the prompt...great imagery that plays like a scene in a movie or a darker sex and the city...great write Luna.


  • HaleyMary
    May 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. Wonderful imagery in this. Definitely worthy of gold. Best of luck to you in the contest.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    May 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Visual

    Gold for sure.
    Joe

1 - 15 of 15