I see her,
she sees me.
Her eyes are big
and full of emotion,
but you can tell shes hiding the truth.
I pull away from her eyes to her skin.
Like glass and fragile,
but it looks as though
shes wiped away her tears too many times.
To her mouth,
lips parted slightly
as if she has much to say.
I step back from this girl,
to see her starring back.
She seems happy,
but I know shes truly sad.
She seems wide awake, alive and breathing.
But if you look hard enough,
shes been dead.
I tilt my head.
She tilts hers too.
I reach out to take her hand.
She reaches out as well.
I feel the cold hard mirror
beneath my fingers
And I realize...
It was only my reflection.
Author notes
Umm I tried...Tell me what you think.
A contest entry
- Reflections by Folklor.
461 points, ended May 29, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hello CursedCorrupted.
This is a good piece. The sense of detachment that the lady has with her own reflection has been done well, and the unsaid about her mental state leaves it to the readers imagination. There are some thoughtful descriptions and follow on's. Big eyes suggest a forthright open-ness; nothing to hide unlike eyes that are squinted, but it is twisted round to state that the big eyes are just a facade, glazed over to hide the truth.
As a suggestion for the final revelation that it is her reflection, or should I say something I would have done is; break the link between the lady and her reflection, have the reflection do somethings but not mention that the lady herself is doing it, so the seperation between the two is heightened in the readers mind, and further suggests that the lady is getting even more detached from her reflection. Like a build up; a crescendo for the revelation. I hope you don't take my suggestion the wrong way, just my 2 cents; your author notes stating you tried suggests that you would like some input on where it could have been improved, and of course my idea of improve may be different from your's, and this is your piece; your voice.
My regards.
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hey good poem so are u on my space on anything
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This was really good..
the way you kind of drew out the poem
with so many different descriptions was really interesting and then the ending was just perfect!!
you did a wonderful job..
I really enjoyed this..
Best of luck..
Angel
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Imaginative.
This was very good. I loved the ending, that it was you.
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i really liked it
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there ya go i like this one so i'll comment on it....
the story in this poem progresses well... i was actually surprised when i got to the part that reveals you're looking in a mirror... which never happens.
it starts a little slowly though and maybe could do without the first two lines... maybe... i dunno... you could incorporate the 'she sees me'... which is important... into the stanza that describes the eyes... somehow
anyway... good write
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I really like this poem keep writing
-Nessa
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Fantastic!
I wondered at the beginning where it all was going with the lips, eyes, hands.
Then when you reached for the mirror you realised you were reaching yourself and the reflection in the mirror. well done I loved it!
I don't know if this was done deliberately but you write at the beginning in a choppy fragmented tone as if the image in the reflection seems shattered emotionally and your eyes looking at the reflection is trying to piece it all back together.
very clever.
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