.
Right on their heels,
elbows left.
Maids bedded
and deposited
no one’s roll-your-owns
and a shrieking
nose of wine.
Jammed mirages
whispered behind
a depressed linen storyline
and matted tresses.
Off bubbled frames
of Elvis velvet
bulls
quickly screwed
Sunday services
to sullen, sultry
Monday morning walls.
"Have a nice day."
.
A contest entry
- Woman in a motel by AJ Morelli.
2000 points, ended May 27, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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paulcreates
HEHE Awesome Write. Should Win Gold if in mine lol. If not judged yet Good luck .
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This was judged just yesterday. I didn't win anything but thank you for the kudos Cara!
Paul
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this is a clever (with lines like matted tresses) and well done piece, wonderful take on the theme... my only beef would be the closing line, seems a bit a weak end to a full throated piece...
all in all, a very good entry here, thanks
al -
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Now that the contest is over, let me explain the last line in my poem, "Have a nice day" Since cheapness was my theme, I chose to tag the end in that manner because when a person leaves a motel that's often what is said by the management as one is leaving. I always thought it was the cheapest, most superfluous phrase created - very often said flipantly. In my mind, it fit.
Thanks for your comment.
Paul
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I think I've visited that motel!
Wonderful write with sharp images that take the mind on a ride!
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Thank you KJ for your nice comment. This was an easy prompt with strong sensory images for me.
Paul
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That is quite the image presented. Hard, harsh, real.
Excellent.
Title fits perfectly. ~Pamela
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I love the speed of this write. It's fast, hardhitting and has vivid imagery. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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Thank you Amera. I wanted to capture the cheapness and lack of warmth or personal connection.
Paul
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This is like mind candy for me...so many images, thank you. I love it and the story you portray rather abstractly (and uniquely, I might add). Great take on the prompt. Love, Lane
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I can see the sketch which is true and quite impressive my friend..very refined work indeed..well done..
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Thank you for your comment PrabhuDayal. The subject lends itself to much texture - a sensory holiday.
Paul
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What a picture of a seedy motel you've painted. lol.
From sheets, tresses, to sultry walls. Well done Paul.
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I love playing with words like building blocks.
"Matted tresses" looks like hair, and mildly suggests a matress.
Thank you Kathleen.
Paul
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what a perfect title. This poem has some really great metaphor & imagery in it...best of luck in the contest..
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LOL You like the title huh? You ever seen the neon with the flickering "E"? So it looks like Hot L
Thank you Tara.
Paul
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Wow!
now that was AWESOME!!!
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Thank you Patsy.
Paul
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