BEAR
The grizzly stands upon hind leg
looking out across the river bed.
Below her silky water’s surface
fish swim with choreographed grace.
Standing majestic his need is great
the fish below, know not their fate.
Thrusting his paws into her wetness
Clawing a fish tight, it’s body now lifeless.
Lavishing his lunch he licks his claws
wading in the water he’s on all fours.
Lustfully his tongue laps at her greedily
drinking his fill he fingers her lovingly.
Splashing around in her watery bosom
the trees on the bank are in full blossom.
The fragrant scent wafts across the air
embracing the lovers in their secret affair.
Wrapping herself around his fur
caressing him in a silent purr.
Off he strolls filled and content
smelling of his lover’s scent.
Author notes
9. A bear fishing.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Wow I really loved this Ang. Excellent turn of events LOL
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Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 20
You were perfect on this.
Creativity/ presentation: 20
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Done to perfection! I am quite impressed with your work. You continuously impress not only myself but the rest of the judges as well...keep it up!
Grab me effect: 20
Overall: 20
Congrats to you on a perfect score.
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Total: 100
**Master Ktulu** -
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thank you so much for your wonderful score Master Ktulu, this has certainly taken me by surprise.
I sincerely hope you are feeling better
ang -
Whoot.. You go girl.. well disserved !
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Spelling/ grammar/ punctuation: 20
Creativity/ presentation: 20
Wonderfully done Ang. Your work so far has really impressed me every single time. You have grown in leaps and bounds and your sensual eye is phenomenal. I could not have done this better myself.
How well you handled the challenge: 20
What can I say you did exactly what I wanted to see.
Grab me effect: 19
Overall: 20
Total: 99
Fantastic job hun. I really loved this piece. It speaks volumes about you. You seem to have a fascination with water. -
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thank you so much for your wonderful comments tanzanite, they are truly appreciated.
as iv said before i battled with this piece, but still did it and had fun at the same time. as for the fascination with water, 2 near drowning incidents.... i prefer the shore to be honest. LOL
thanks again
ang
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Spelling/grammar/punctuation = 20
Presentation/creativity = 20
Your rhyming was really well done here and the flow was superb!
How well you handled the challenge = 20
'grab me' effect = 19
Overall = 19
TOTAL = 98/100
I battled a bit at first with this one, but once I actually sat back and read it properly, I understood what you were getting at! (My fault not yours!) The personification of the river works REALLY well here and you have managed to accentuate the bear's relationship with it without coming across as creepy (lol!)
WELL DONE! I enjoyed this one!
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thank you for your comments i found this incredibly hard to do.
A -
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well, personally, I feel you did a really good job with it (and a LOT better than what I would've been able to do!)
congrats!
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Luaghs.. and you said you were having a hard time with this one.. Yea Riiight! Awsome write my friend.. Love the imagery and style.. This is perfection!
Naids
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i was battling with this, i started it yesterday afternoon after lunch at my mom's place. i finished it late last night and posted it. at least its over and done with.
A
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This is so very hot, you have done an awesome job. I love the word images you have drawn here. Taking the concept of a bear's meal and making 'sushi'... very nicely done.
Spelling/Punctuation/Grammar: 20 spot on.
Presentation/Creativity: 20
How well you handled the challenge: 20
Grab me effect: 20
Overall: 20
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Total: 100 -
Stunning!!!
Stunning writing. I love the inuendo and double-meaning of this. It is just wonderful. The imagery is superb - as is the flow. I thought that although, this is a completely different type of writing for you my Sister, it some ways it is not. There is a sexual hidden depth to this piece. I found it breathtaking.
So sorry for the late reply
as I was busy writing.
Lots of love
Your Brother
Wayne Leon
xxx
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He seems to like his lunch!!!
Lucky bear
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tee hee, well i also like raw fish! LOL
thanks for the comment *mwah*
A -
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It must be said that a vague hint of very fresh fish seems appropriate here
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