Granite veins spilled,
cascading down
the curving slope,
gripping a rock,
flipping a drop,
knitting a web of tunnels through moss,
shooting up like a needle in the hands
of an excited bride,
diving into the rich, dark mixture
like a serpent sensing a mole;
Granite veins rounded,
dissolving the walls of the cellulose tubes,
merging, pooling, rising, transforming,
becoming
a paintbrush,
spiralling like a granite serpent,
licking the rotund body,
dancing
towards the sky;
Granite walls splashed
against the sky
like a newborn star;
Young serpents
gushing
out of the radiant heart,
looping, orbiting, combining,
dissolving
unrolling green opals -
eyes that glimmer in the sun.
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Sol, I hope it is something like you had in mind. 'Not nice' was referred to my inability to produce anything at the time. aaaaaargh!! cheers for your support. genies.
Comments
-
Again thank you for your gift to the contest.
I read and respond:
Geological
sounds like a fossilised waterfall.
water is life.
Excitement,
invigorating desire;
I'm thinking now of the 'little and big Man' as presented in Taoism wondering about a connection here with the physical world representing the 'Great Man'... It's too harder work though and I suspect I'm just trying to make it follow a line through the prompt which perhaps just isn't there?
Becoming a tool of creativity,
active and ascending;
Transformation of solids into more subtle nature,
like a return from whence they came
like a new world or planet;
New life and... knowledge?
A source... of-
Revelation
unfolding and observed from numerous places.
A truly fascinating 'write', so rich in its imagery and movement.
I confess to finding it hard to make clear connection with the contest prompt though, I wish I could. Perhaps it is a self-portrait but if so I am not sure where you are with this.
I find it all quite mysterious, which I like, and yes fascinating as well.
Is this simply your vision of a different world?
Or a refined vision of this one?
Are you simply on the 'Beech'... literally washed up perhaps?
What is it that I'm missing, I wonder?
Thank you again for a wonderful entry, which yet has me a little perplexed and curious.
Please feel free to reply, if you wish, I would be glad to have more light shed on this and understanding of where it's coming from.
All the very best,
Sol
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I like how this started to delve a little deeper into the ideals of the contest.. i do however feel that you could dig a little deeper, plus, i am not a huge fan in overusage of gerunds in poetry as they can make pieces seems sing-song.. so i would look at editing some of the -ing words in order to tighten the whole piece up and make it more edgy and give it some bite.
i think your overall ideas are all there, you just need to think less of what Sol or me might think and more of what you feel, if you found yourself this morning, waking up, to knowing you're dead or have been dead and seeing beauty for the first time... inhale/exhale... and then let it rip
you've got time to play around, as Sol isn't quite ready to comment yet..
many thanks and good luck
thanks for entering our contest
G.x
-
Thanks for entering.
I hope you found something of inspiration in re-appraising the prompt and from there- for sure it's what comes to your mind which is important.
All the best, Sol
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