When I first saw you
something
felt strangely sad
inside of
me
as if,
I knew we
had been
lovers
before our time
but time
had chosen to be cruel,
we would
find
one another
too late.
When I first saw you
my bones burned
to white ash,
and I floated in joy
you exist! -
my soul mate,
the specter I had been
chasing
after
for such a long
long
time.
When I first saw you
a thousand years ago,
a thousand days
ago
I felt the pang
of fear -
how many more
lifetimes
would we have
to live
before
it was
the right time
for us?
Author notes
The image and the inspiration it brought of traveling through time in search of a lost love, helped me write this entry.
A contest entry
- Train of Thought by Rowan.
6000 points, ended May 28, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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My heart has been squeezed by your melancholy, powerful words, for which I have no adequate way to respond...
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bravo!
oh I adore this
a wonderful inspiration from the picture
a pleasure to read
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What an interesting take on the pic... yes, definitely haunting. Thanks for entering my contest!
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you express the meaning of this poem beautifully. I love the exuberant "you exist!" its the perfect little moment in your poem.
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WOW! this is really good poem...i love it! although it is a sad....it expressed a lot emotion!
I LOVE IT! ♥♥♥♥ -
Well this is something relating with the prophesies and astrology...Though not untrue at all..Genius work..More than poetry..Well done....
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Oooooh this sure tugged upon the ol 
Nearly got me blubbering...
Love the 1000 years 1000 days part.
This is gold to me.
Delila
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I love the timelessness in your write here, Lane...that glimpse of eternal, Kairos, whatever name you put to it... you excell at those briliant glimpses...thanks for sharing this one. Peace, Rhonda...(Purple?...hmmm...maybe cause I held my breath as I read this... ..)
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and a thousand times I could think the many times I loved...and I could take myself to those arms...and feel what I should have felt...and I stir and close my eyes to realize
i missed this train at the stop of indifference
love your poem...made me think... had time been right
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Excellent
Such a wonderful flow of thoughts and images. Best of luck in the contest. -
Love is its own continum as you suggest in the promise of "one day." You make prominent the tragedy of linear time and the randomness and forgetfullness of rebirth. We are constantly reawakening to the forevers that live within us.
Ending in a question ... I had a creative writing prof who hated poems that did that. As if all art must provide answers or at least sign posts. Caused quite and uproar in the class. In this case, I think, it makes more poignant the dilemna facing the lovers. I don't know if you need the "for us" it feels uneeded, redundant, tacked on an breaks the rythmn and flow. You could of ended even as early as the phrase "to live" cause we all know by this time where the tracks are headed, what station must be next on the line.
Love, Tom B.
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the nice thing of riding a train is that you get to look all around you as you travel...similar to life, if you keep travelling and keep looking, you eventually find what you're after. This is a very beautiful write Lane, a wonderful take on the picture.
Rory
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Amazing. This is probably one of my favorite poems that you've written. it's beautiful.
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So wistful, yet with suffuse sparks of energy. Well done.
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My lady, this speaks so strongly
then, I put my own interpretation into it.
Sad for this life but joyous that there will be others.
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lovely and filled with eternal passion...soft and sensual-like you...a great piece mi Bella Flor.
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very cool! i love the pic that you tied in with this poem
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It is such an odd feeling to sense that connection with someone, and just know there is more...even if it's not in this lifetime.
This one is felt. Enjoyed!
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Beautiful
This poem reminds of something that has truely happened to me more then once. It is a very strange feeling. I'm not really sure if it is a soul mate, but it is lesson we have experienced before and some remnants of that experience still remains within out DNA. Or maybe you just wanna do that person. Probably the latter. Well Done. ~Peace~Gar
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This run of yours lately is all wonder! - the brief break seems to have favoured your muse.
The short lines in this work brilliantly. As talented as ever hun.
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Trains
How many times I've taken those long trips by rail and now it seems so long ago that I may have been a figure of history taking the Orient Express to Istanbul. Meeting there (of course) in the club car, long and elegant, the notorious MadameX.
Maybe we did take that trip together afterall.
this is a lovely poem and whispers in my ear like sad sweet dream.
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Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold.
-- Zelda Fitzgerald
*Sigh* Truly enchanting Lane, and all the best in the contest.
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Really lovely, original and beautiful.
Love,
Amera
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A beautiful piece that flows and you took me along with your words...
All the best in the contest...
Love
Sue
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This is very interesting, I am making all sorts of notes about how you write, I don't think you can think like me, but what you write is so beautiful.
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this one also takes in the image at the end of the tracks
the absolute absence of any ref to trains or the clickity clack and all that ... excellent .. the poem stands on its own without the pic or the contest .... so it qualifies as a good poem ... now
... let's have closer looksee
longing, yes! movement, yes! hope, yes! ...
heck, I guess this poem's beauty which I first suspected upon reading it is, in fact, not as subtle as it seems, nor as blatant as it wants to be, which means
.. it is exactly what it wants to be ...
now, with that said, of course, and not wishing to give you a swollen head
... i shall not make it burst with the true explitives and purple prose it so well deserves ... of course, the rythm (ican't spell that word, and I don't even try anymore) ... well, the rithim ( ... there!!!) .. is lovely
,,,Moqui
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Powerful write, Lane. I think that's one of the unfortunate things about love sometimes is that the timing can sometimes be a little off and maybe the people we feel we might be right for us might come along at the wrong time and cause us to have to wait longer. I liked he concept of traveling through time, as well. It made me think of how ghosts can be sometimes, as though searching for something for all eternity. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
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now "that'-
is an interesting-
train of thought yes?
another superbly executed-
piece of prose-
not late to the station-
And as those-
who know me well realize-
a favored subject of mine...
"pang of fear"
In my particular case a-
pang of dissapointment-
of her already-
being taken-
but we never fear-
for there is always-
the next time-
or the time after-
for some things are not-
only worth the patience-
but the repetition-
and oft times-
it's those who-
become close-
without such realization-
of such things-
that make the best-
match-
they know-
yet they don't-
but apart-
they are lost-
not knowing why-
only accepting-
the firmament-
of fate-
Len
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This is an intriguing interpretation k-c.
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It's OK I can wait for the right time
This is the right poem though.
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This made me smile for I have always thought of myself as being trapped in the wrong time and place, felt so much more like an 18th century girl but I believe we have more than one chance to get it right! Love, C
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