It wasn’t anything spectacular,
my life that is,
but it was still mine.
At first it hurt,
indescribably really,
but then everything
just sort of faded out.
The pain dissipated
and I felt a great weight
lifted off my chest.
It was like I’d never really,
truly, breathed before.
I imagine something like
an infants first gasping breath.
I woke up in the hospital
and I couldn’t speak.
Not from the sheer shock of anything,
I literally couldn’t speak.
My mouth formed words,
only, no sound followed.
I moved around a bit,
looked for someone, anyone,
but the hospital had been deserted.
There was a strange air about the place.
Fog, an eerie chill,
nothing seemed right.
So, realizing the obvious,
I knew something had gone wrong.
The last thing I remembered,
I was in the car
and then…
it had turned over,
someone smashed the passenger side,
right where I was sitting.
Oh God,
that pain, I remembered that pain.
I was so frightened,
all I wanted to do was escape.
From what had happened,
from that pale and stale hospital,
but, when I finally managed
to open those rusted thick doors,
there was such a light!
Almost blinding,
I was weary at first
but then I stepped out,
left the threshold,
and when I opened my eyes
…
I found myself back in that room,
back in that hospital bed
all alone.
Unable to speak,
unable to leave,
and unable to live.
I was trapped for all eternity,
no sound, no warmth,
no comfort or love.
Just there, hardly existing…
forever.
Author notes
Eh, not really all that good but it could be worse I suppose. I think I like it... You?
A contest entry
- Escape From The Afterlife! by brightXdarkness.
600 points, ended June 20, 2008, 27 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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That's powerful stuff,reminding me of what it must be like to be the survivor of an accident reliving it in sleep only to wake to a worse sort of reality. Well expressed.
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Yeah, i like it aswell,
I know this feeling you speak of,
well said by the way
and the last stanza just fits in perfectly with whats been said.
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Why thank you
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This is a chilling thought. Reminds me of some of the basket cases I've worked around in care centers and nursing homes. Perfectly good brains in shattered, worthless bodies. It's a sad thing.
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Very cool! The thing sometimes is that you try to write a good poem, and it seems not to work, but you can get an amazing story instead, which is what this poem is. It sounds like a Stephen King story, or maybe even an M. Night Shyamalan movie in which you don't expect the ending and it shocks you awake from the boringness of the rest of the movie (haha. just kidding). Either way, I really liked it. Very haunting and chilling. Good luck in the contest!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
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Thanks so much, I wasn't entirely happy with the piece at first to be honest but I am so very glad to know you enjoyed ^_^
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oooo circular poetry!! I like this a lot!! The format of the poem further adds to the emotion and the fear that this narrator must be feeling. And as your title says, yes, forever really is an awefully long time. I really like this write. It is a great take on the prompt! Thank you for entering my contest, and best of luck to you in having done so!!
Alex -
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So happy you liked it ^_^
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