Bring me to life,
only to watch me burn in flames.
I understand perfectly,
because for you, it's all the same.
Dress me in your favorite colors,
have me bleed on my favorite skirt
(Hell, it'll look Christmas-y if I do.)
Slumbering in my ignorance,
I'll be reborn, and rebroken.
(I'll know it's because of you.)
Author notes
-cough-
A contest entry
- PIF-3 of my favorite things by notorious.
300 points, ended May 14, 2008, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
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Maybe "watch me" should be "let me"--it sounds more vulnerable.
So it'd read:
"only to let me burn in flames." =D -
There is a casually stated feeling of hurt present in this poem that's very interesting to read.
"Bring me to life"
This perfectly describes how a phoenix lives and dies in utter simplicity. Plus, it's also the title of a really good Evanescence song.
"Slumbering in my ignorance"
A very nice way of alluding to taking naps with the use of the word 'slumbering'.
Suggestions:
"Bring me to life AGAIN"
This 'again' is really not necessary. The 'again' takes away from the beautiful simplicity of "Bring me to life". Plus, without the 'again', it makes more impact in a way that seems to take place in the present.
Thanks for entering! =]
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Alright, fixed that up, and I agree, I had again in there when I didn't know where the poem was heading.
The hurt is meant to be there, but not obvious. As though someone trying to make the best of a situation while they're falling apart.
Now I just need to think of a title. =P
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Ahaha, that title was rather tongue-in-cheek LMAO...perhaps something related to phoenixes/naps/green that's both obvious and subtle? I know you can do it.
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